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| Inspired by Ezra 10:4 |
23 Phone Backgrounds to Keep Your Eyes on Jesus!
Thursday, December 18, 2014
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
God at Work - Cat the Air Traffic Controller
Many of us have been on some difficult mission trips but sometimes our jobs can be harder than them all. Its a different mission altogether. You are there long term. Your coworkers see your failures and are watching how you deal with stress. They see if you give dignity to the people around you and if you get puffed up when receiving praise. And in a post-Christian society it is even harder to openly share Christ in the comings and goings. The following individuals are Christians who daily bring Christ to work. Their focus is doing their job well but leading people into eternity in the process.
Cat Lovetro works as an Air Traffic Controller in Houston, Texas. Along with being an ATC, Cat is a former Brooklynite who somehow became a Texan. She's an over-caffeinated avid traveler and struggling polyglot, amateur baseball statistician, who loves reading obscure Wikipedia articles and spending time with Amelia, her Labrador Retriever.
What does a normal work day involve?
A "normal" work day depends on the day. It usually starts VERY early or late in the afternoon. Thursday and Friday nights are very busy, with everyone trying to get away for the weekend. We have "pushes" through the day, which is just like rush hour, everyone is trying to get to the same place at the same time, so you have to take a pile of airplanes and put them in a straight line. Sometimes it's easy, sometimes it's quite difficult if the weather is acting up. We also have departure pushes where everyone wants to leave at the same time. Weekend mornings are usually pretty quiet, save for college football games which can make small airports get VERY busy for a few hours.
Why do you feel called to work in aviation?
When I was 7, I saw my first space shuttle launch in Florida that's when I knew. I devoured everything I could possibly get my hands on on the topic, and not just space flight, aviation, adventure, and exploration. I can still get lost in an atlas for hours. Anyway, I've been endlessly fascinated by how it keeps the world (and beyond) spinning. I take absolute joy in my job, and the while the hours can be hard, and you miss out on a lot of holidays, family time, etc, I have yet to "work" a day here.
How do you bring Christ into your work?
Its hard. It’s not really something we’re supposed to talk about, not blatantly at least. After a while you get a feel for who else is a Christian and opportunities do present themselves with people who aren’t Christians.
Do you have a specific instance where God used you to minister to someone in some way?
Honestly, sometimes its something as simple as being trustworthy. There can be quite a bit of downtime, which can lead to A LOT of gossip. The ability to keep a secret someone has trusted you with is pretty rare and really sets you apart.
Are there some struggles with being a Christian at your job?
It’s hard to be gracious. Its something I've always struggled with anyway, and being in pressure cooker makes it especially difficult. Air traffic control has a reputation of being the “most stressful job in the world”. While I think that might be a bit of an overstatement, there is a nugget of truth in there and the job certainly has its days. When a bunch of Type - A people are put it a high stress environment and told to work together it can be a madhouse.
I also work in an 85%-90% male environment, working shifts around the clock, sometimes with just one or two other people. It’s important to have appropriate boundaries, and I’ve made it a point to get to know the wives of my co-workers, especially ones I work overnight shifts with.
What advice/encouragement can you offer those struggling with sharing their faith at work.
Be intentional and trustworthy the times you can’t be truly bold. Never be afraid to be honest, but always strive for graciousness. People will begin to trust you and it will provide opportunities. Seize those opportunities when they come along. Be a good employee and co worker. Show up on time and do a good job. That speaks volumes to the people around you.
Can you share your favorite work moment with us-funny, proud, dramatic or otherwise!
I don’t necessarily have one in particular. At least one that wouldn’t involve an hours worth of background explanation. I love my job, and I’m so proud that I have the opportunity to never have to go to “work”.Every time I walk through baggage claim and get to see happy reunions, I'm really thankful I get to help facilitate. I love being able to help a student pilot on their first solo flight. I’m honored to be a part of helping a fallen soldier return home. I’ve been trusted with the life of the President and I get to help train our military pilots and astronauts. I’m responsible for billions of dollars worth of equipment and the lives of tens of thousands of people a day. I take great pride in my small part of making the world go ‘round.
What does a normal work day involve?
A "normal" work day depends on the day. It usually starts VERY early or late in the afternoon. Thursday and Friday nights are very busy, with everyone trying to get away for the weekend. We have "pushes" through the day, which is just like rush hour, everyone is trying to get to the same place at the same time, so you have to take a pile of airplanes and put them in a straight line. Sometimes it's easy, sometimes it's quite difficult if the weather is acting up. We also have departure pushes where everyone wants to leave at the same time. Weekend mornings are usually pretty quiet, save for college football games which can make small airports get VERY busy for a few hours.
Why do you feel called to work in aviation?
When I was 7, I saw my first space shuttle launch in Florida that's when I knew. I devoured everything I could possibly get my hands on on the topic, and not just space flight, aviation, adventure, and exploration. I can still get lost in an atlas for hours. Anyway, I've been endlessly fascinated by how it keeps the world (and beyond) spinning. I take absolute joy in my job, and the while the hours can be hard, and you miss out on a lot of holidays, family time, etc, I have yet to "work" a day here.
How do you bring Christ into your work?
Its hard. It’s not really something we’re supposed to talk about, not blatantly at least. After a while you get a feel for who else is a Christian and opportunities do present themselves with people who aren’t Christians.
Do you have a specific instance where God used you to minister to someone in some way?
Honestly, sometimes its something as simple as being trustworthy. There can be quite a bit of downtime, which can lead to A LOT of gossip. The ability to keep a secret someone has trusted you with is pretty rare and really sets you apart.
Are there some struggles with being a Christian at your job?
It’s hard to be gracious. Its something I've always struggled with anyway, and being in pressure cooker makes it especially difficult. Air traffic control has a reputation of being the “most stressful job in the world”. While I think that might be a bit of an overstatement, there is a nugget of truth in there and the job certainly has its days. When a bunch of Type - A people are put it a high stress environment and told to work together it can be a madhouse.
I also work in an 85%-90% male environment, working shifts around the clock, sometimes with just one or two other people. It’s important to have appropriate boundaries, and I’ve made it a point to get to know the wives of my co-workers, especially ones I work overnight shifts with.
What advice/encouragement can you offer those struggling with sharing their faith at work.
Be intentional and trustworthy the times you can’t be truly bold. Never be afraid to be honest, but always strive for graciousness. People will begin to trust you and it will provide opportunities. Seize those opportunities when they come along. Be a good employee and co worker. Show up on time and do a good job. That speaks volumes to the people around you.
Can you share your favorite work moment with us-funny, proud, dramatic or otherwise!
I don’t necessarily have one in particular. At least one that wouldn’t involve an hours worth of background explanation. I love my job, and I’m so proud that I have the opportunity to never have to go to “work”.Every time I walk through baggage claim and get to see happy reunions, I'm really thankful I get to help facilitate. I love being able to help a student pilot on their first solo flight. I’m honored to be a part of helping a fallen soldier return home. I’ve been trusted with the life of the President and I get to help train our military pilots and astronauts. I’m responsible for billions of dollars worth of equipment and the lives of tens of thousands of people a day. I take great pride in my small part of making the world go ‘round.
Monday, December 8, 2014
God at Work - Josh the Hospital Translator
Many of us have been on some difficult mission trips but sometimes our jobs can be harder than them all. Its a different mission altogether. You are there long term. Your coworkers see your failures and are watching how you deal with stress. They see if you give dignity to the people around you and if you get puffed up when receiving praise. And in a post-Christian society it is even harder to openly share Christ in the comings and goings. The following individuals are Christians who daily bring Christ to work. Their focus is doing their job well but leading people into eternity in the process.
Josh is a Spanish Medical interpreter/translator at M.D. Anderson Cancer Center in Houston, Texas. Josh is husband to Laurie and Daddy to Mia and Shiloh. He and Laurie teach a Sunday School class to single adults at Houston's First Baptist Church and are both fries connoisseurs.
What does a normal work day involve?
I am the communication bridge for non-English speaking patients with their medical team. I interpret for the doctors/nurses/social workers/chaplains/psychiatrists/etc etc when they need to communicate with a non-English speaking patient that only speaks Spanish.
What advice/encouragement can you offer those struggling with sharing their faith at work?
I think it's encouraging to know you are not the only one struggling with something. So I would start by saying I TOO struggle with sharing my faith. I would first of all pray for opportunities to share with others. If you pray, then you are looking for God to answer that prayer by providing someone to share with. Lastly, bring up God casually frequently. E.g if someone asks how your weekend was, mention the sermon you heard at church and the nugget you learned. If people ask how you are- go beyond the "fine" and share a bit of your heart. I have had people come up to me: josh I know you go to church and stuff, I need prayer for X, could you pray for me? Attempt to invite co workers to something outside of work. Laurie and I host parties at our home or football watching and we try to invite coworkers.
Can you share your favorite work moment with us-funny, proud, dramatic or otherwise!
I can't think of anything immediately. But, just like I have to give people bad news some days, I also get to give people good news and tell them they beat cancer, or their scans are clean, or you are a survivor, etc. giving people a hug after that news is always great. So being able to share in their joy and be the first to tell them that news is an awesome blessing and privilege.
What does a normal work day involve?
I am the communication bridge for non-English speaking patients with their medical team. I interpret for the doctors/nurses/social workers/chaplains/psychiatrists/etc etc when they need to communicate with a non-English speaking patient that only speaks Spanish.
Why do you feel called to work with Spanish speakers?
I'm not sure if "called" is what I would use, as the Lord could give me a different job not using Spanish and that would be just fine. But the Lord has gifted me with the ability to speak Spanish and I have always wanted to use it in some way. Interpreting is the perfect way to use Spanish in order to help others.
How do you bring Christ into your work?
First, I attempt to do my job with excellence and go above and beyond to assist the patients and medical team. Facing cancer is a very daunting thing, and if I can help them understand I feel I am honoring God in that way.
Secondly, when the door is open to share hope, pray with a patient, or even share about God's goodness in my life- I try to seize that opportunity.
Usually if that happens it is after the interpreting session. But there are some opportunities for that and I have had many patients tell me they are encouraged by my words of encouragement or prayer.
Thirdly, being available for my co workers and attempting to connect with them on a personal level.
I was told once by a patient that throughout the darkness of Cancer, each time I helped them it was light for them on their journey. That truly made my day and let me know that it makes a difference. Any chance I get to pray with a cancer patient- that is a meaningful ministering opportunity.
I am truly blessed to be in that position on a daily basis. Dealing with cancer everyday keeps my troubles in perspective and has given me a more compassionate heart towards suffering.
Are there some struggles with being a Christian at your job?
The struggle, if any, is handling the amount of "vicarious trauma" I experience on a day to day basis.
What do you mean by vicarious trauma?
I don't have cancer, but I hear about it everyday. I see people lose their loved ones. Sometimes I see more than one death in one day. I deal with pediatric cancer patients too- kids that are the same age as Mia and Shiloh. Although I am only an interpreter, I witness trauma, sadness, and hard cases frequently. Therefore the trauma, if you will, is vicarious. At the end of the day sometimes I have to vent and process with Laurie. Mind you, some of the patients I work with, I have worked with for months or years. So after a while you can get close to them and they become friends. You can do what I do and totally detach yourself emotionally and be somewhat jaded- I still want to show compassion and as a result at times I experience "VT."
I'm not sure if "called" is what I would use, as the Lord could give me a different job not using Spanish and that would be just fine. But the Lord has gifted me with the ability to speak Spanish and I have always wanted to use it in some way. Interpreting is the perfect way to use Spanish in order to help others.
How do you bring Christ into your work?
First, I attempt to do my job with excellence and go above and beyond to assist the patients and medical team. Facing cancer is a very daunting thing, and if I can help them understand I feel I am honoring God in that way.
Secondly, when the door is open to share hope, pray with a patient, or even share about God's goodness in my life- I try to seize that opportunity.
Usually if that happens it is after the interpreting session. But there are some opportunities for that and I have had many patients tell me they are encouraged by my words of encouragement or prayer.
Thirdly, being available for my co workers and attempting to connect with them on a personal level.
I was told once by a patient that throughout the darkness of Cancer, each time I helped them it was light for them on their journey. That truly made my day and let me know that it makes a difference. Any chance I get to pray with a cancer patient- that is a meaningful ministering opportunity.
I am truly blessed to be in that position on a daily basis. Dealing with cancer everyday keeps my troubles in perspective and has given me a more compassionate heart towards suffering.
Are there some struggles with being a Christian at your job?
The struggle, if any, is handling the amount of "vicarious trauma" I experience on a day to day basis.
What do you mean by vicarious trauma?
I don't have cancer, but I hear about it everyday. I see people lose their loved ones. Sometimes I see more than one death in one day. I deal with pediatric cancer patients too- kids that are the same age as Mia and Shiloh. Although I am only an interpreter, I witness trauma, sadness, and hard cases frequently. Therefore the trauma, if you will, is vicarious. At the end of the day sometimes I have to vent and process with Laurie. Mind you, some of the patients I work with, I have worked with for months or years. So after a while you can get close to them and they become friends. You can do what I do and totally detach yourself emotionally and be somewhat jaded- I still want to show compassion and as a result at times I experience "VT."
What advice/encouragement can you offer those struggling with sharing their faith at work?
I think it's encouraging to know you are not the only one struggling with something. So I would start by saying I TOO struggle with sharing my faith. I would first of all pray for opportunities to share with others. If you pray, then you are looking for God to answer that prayer by providing someone to share with. Lastly, bring up God casually frequently. E.g if someone asks how your weekend was, mention the sermon you heard at church and the nugget you learned. If people ask how you are- go beyond the "fine" and share a bit of your heart. I have had people come up to me: josh I know you go to church and stuff, I need prayer for X, could you pray for me? Attempt to invite co workers to something outside of work. Laurie and I host parties at our home or football watching and we try to invite coworkers.
Can you share your favorite work moment with us-funny, proud, dramatic or otherwise!
I can't think of anything immediately. But, just like I have to give people bad news some days, I also get to give people good news and tell them they beat cancer, or their scans are clean, or you are a survivor, etc. giving people a hug after that news is always great. So being able to share in their joy and be the first to tell them that news is an awesome blessing and privilege.
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
Caution Ahead! A Woman's Mind
A woman's mind is one of the most complex things you could ever write about. Our thoughts are constantly at war. We are assaulted daily by unceasing voices and fears and hopes and ideas. It almost never stops. Personally, there have been times when I have cried and begged the Lord to just completely turn it off because all of it was too much to bear. If you are a guy then you might be thinking that we are all crazy, and I have to admit that sometimes it feels that way. But really this is the way it is...not all the time, but a good portion of it. A study done by the University of Pennsylvania proves that we are masters of multitasking and our intricate minds are the reason why. But along with accomplishing a multitude of little things, our thoughts also have the power to bring us to tears at the drop of a hat.
Our thoughts are constantly suggesting to us that we change something about ourselves whether it be our hair, our jobs, our friends, our hobbies, or even just the type of laundry detergent we use. They tell us that if we changed that one thing that our lives would be easier or that we would be happier or we would have more peace. But we change it and it doesn't work.
They berate us with comparisons to other people's lives. If only you were married then you would be understood or respected more. Possibly if you just had a more fit body or a different nose then you would be wanted by that guy. If you made more money then tithing wouldn't be such a sacrifice and of course your budget wouldn't feel like such a stranglehold.
They bring up our darkest moments again and again. That relationship let down, that ugly argument with your sister, and that time you disappointed your kids. They pop up as we are in the middle of grocery shopping, on vacation and in the shower. The most subtle of things can remind us of our inadequacies and failures.
There is no hiding. They find us everywhere.
Honestly I thought that when I grew up that this battle would be won or at least calmed down. But walk into a women's conference and you will learn that the battle doesn't stop - we just learn how to fight back.
As I grow in the Lord my confidence grows that my heart and mind will eventually join sides.
Take heart ladies, even the best of us still have moments where the lies and fears win, but as we walk with the Lord we DO get stronger. I want to equip you with sound truth so that you can be ready as the war wages on. And if you are a man reading this, use this to encourage your sisters (or sisters in Christ). The best advice I've received is that you have to preach the Gospel to yourself. I hope the following words and scriptures help you do that even in your darkest moments.
Is that thought something Jesus would say to you?
Are we really convinced that Jesus would think that dying our hair would make us more beautiful?! Thats crazy talk! And when was the last time your heard Jesus hint how that girl in your small group doesn't actually like you. We need to recognize the flat out lies that these are! Jesus doesn't talk like that! When you think something that causes fear or hurt or confusion recognize that God is for you not against you (Rom 8:31) and He does NOT have plans to harm you, but to prosper you! (Jer 29:11)
Its about Progression, not perfection
These days we expect to look beautiful all the time, have a perfectly balanced budget, be a top performer at work, be knock-your-socks-off wives....and its too much! We raise the bar so high that even Jesus couldn't meet our standard. Remember that Jesus is our definition of perfection, not the media, and not everything we try to be. (2 Cor 12:9) Instead of constantly working on our imperfections, we need to be persistently relocating our identity, self-worth, and significance in Christ. If you struggle with perfectionism I suggest reading Pastor Derwin Gray's article on the topic.
Refocus your attention
The devil would love to distract you from what God is doing. John 8:44 says that when the devil lies that he is speaking his native language because a liar is what he is. He has been mastering his craft for millenia. The Bible says to watch out! (1 Peter 5:8) Its important that you not let him steal God's glory or undermine His plans by continuing to dwell on your insecurities and false fears. If you do this you are letting the devil outsmart you - be familiar with his schemes (2 Cor 2:11). Keep your eyes on Jesus and refuse to take them off!
Godly counsel matters
Whether they are a friend, a Bible study leader, or a professional counselor, good Godly counsel is priceless. If you are in a pit then its impossible to dig yourself out unless you have divine intervention. (Eccl 4:9-10) Sometimes we truly can't help ourselves because the issue is out of our control or will affect us for the long term. Throw your pride out the window and get healthy! Go to counselling, ask your best friend to text you scripture throughout the day, or meet with a leader and pour out your heart. Heck do all 3! (Prov 15:22)
Final word of advice. These are tools you will need to learn to use again and again. This is not a quick fix because we are not in a small battle. Use your sword regularly-its the best way to sharpen it.
Further reading:
http://www.christianitytoday.com/derwin-gray/2014/november/patience-persistence-and-progression-not-perfection.html
http://www.harvest.org/knowgod/new-believer/foundations-for-living/devil.html
http://www.theguardian.com/science/2013/dec/02/men-women-brains-wired-differently
http://time.com/70558/its-not-you-its-science-how-perfectionism-holds-women-back/
http://www.maconferenceforwomen.org/perfectionism-leading-fatal-disease-among-women-18-100/
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/pressure-proof/201407/3-big-perfectionism-struggles-women
Our thoughts are constantly suggesting to us that we change something about ourselves whether it be our hair, our jobs, our friends, our hobbies, or even just the type of laundry detergent we use. They tell us that if we changed that one thing that our lives would be easier or that we would be happier or we would have more peace. But we change it and it doesn't work.
They berate us with comparisons to other people's lives. If only you were married then you would be understood or respected more. Possibly if you just had a more fit body or a different nose then you would be wanted by that guy. If you made more money then tithing wouldn't be such a sacrifice and of course your budget wouldn't feel like such a stranglehold.
They bring up our darkest moments again and again. That relationship let down, that ugly argument with your sister, and that time you disappointed your kids. They pop up as we are in the middle of grocery shopping, on vacation and in the shower. The most subtle of things can remind us of our inadequacies and failures.
There is no hiding. They find us everywhere.
Honestly I thought that when I grew up that this battle would be won or at least calmed down. But walk into a women's conference and you will learn that the battle doesn't stop - we just learn how to fight back.
As I grow in the Lord my confidence grows that my heart and mind will eventually join sides.
Take heart ladies, even the best of us still have moments where the lies and fears win, but as we walk with the Lord we DO get stronger. I want to equip you with sound truth so that you can be ready as the war wages on. And if you are a man reading this, use this to encourage your sisters (or sisters in Christ). The best advice I've received is that you have to preach the Gospel to yourself. I hope the following words and scriptures help you do that even in your darkest moments.
Is that thought something Jesus would say to you?
Are we really convinced that Jesus would think that dying our hair would make us more beautiful?! Thats crazy talk! And when was the last time your heard Jesus hint how that girl in your small group doesn't actually like you. We need to recognize the flat out lies that these are! Jesus doesn't talk like that! When you think something that causes fear or hurt or confusion recognize that God is for you not against you (Rom 8:31) and He does NOT have plans to harm you, but to prosper you! (Jer 29:11)
Its about Progression, not perfection
These days we expect to look beautiful all the time, have a perfectly balanced budget, be a top performer at work, be knock-your-socks-off wives....and its too much! We raise the bar so high that even Jesus couldn't meet our standard. Remember that Jesus is our definition of perfection, not the media, and not everything we try to be. (2 Cor 12:9) Instead of constantly working on our imperfections, we need to be persistently relocating our identity, self-worth, and significance in Christ. If you struggle with perfectionism I suggest reading Pastor Derwin Gray's article on the topic.
Refocus your attention
The devil would love to distract you from what God is doing. John 8:44 says that when the devil lies that he is speaking his native language because a liar is what he is. He has been mastering his craft for millenia. The Bible says to watch out! (1 Peter 5:8) Its important that you not let him steal God's glory or undermine His plans by continuing to dwell on your insecurities and false fears. If you do this you are letting the devil outsmart you - be familiar with his schemes (2 Cor 2:11). Keep your eyes on Jesus and refuse to take them off!
Godly counsel matters
Whether they are a friend, a Bible study leader, or a professional counselor, good Godly counsel is priceless. If you are in a pit then its impossible to dig yourself out unless you have divine intervention. (Eccl 4:9-10) Sometimes we truly can't help ourselves because the issue is out of our control or will affect us for the long term. Throw your pride out the window and get healthy! Go to counselling, ask your best friend to text you scripture throughout the day, or meet with a leader and pour out your heart. Heck do all 3! (Prov 15:22)
Final word of advice. These are tools you will need to learn to use again and again. This is not a quick fix because we are not in a small battle. Use your sword regularly-its the best way to sharpen it.
Further reading:
http://www.christianitytoday.com/derwin-gray/2014/november/patience-persistence-and-progression-not-perfection.html
http://www.harvest.org/knowgod/new-believer/foundations-for-living/devil.html
http://www.theguardian.com/science/2013/dec/02/men-women-brains-wired-differently
http://time.com/70558/its-not-you-its-science-how-perfectionism-holds-women-back/
http://www.maconferenceforwomen.org/perfectionism-leading-fatal-disease-among-women-18-100/
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/pressure-proof/201407/3-big-perfectionism-struggles-women
Tuesday, November 25, 2014
God At Work - Allison the Recreational Therapist
Many of us have been on some difficult mission trips but sometimes our jobs can be harder than them all. Its a different mission altogether. You are there long term. Your coworkers see your failures and are watching how you deal with stress. They see if you give dignity to the people around you and if you get puffed up when receiving praise. And in a post-Christian society it is even harder to openly share Christ in the comings and goings. The following individuals are Christians who daily bring Christ to work. Their focus is doing their job well but leading people into eternity in the process.
Allison Hall is a Therapeutic Recreation Specialist at a retirement and long term/memory care facility in Adamstown, Maryland. Along with once petting a tiger, Allison also delights in the fact that she has a Masters in Recreational Therapy from TSU and has traveled to 5 different countries.
Allison Hall is a Therapeutic Recreation Specialist at a retirement and long term/memory care facility in Adamstown, Maryland. Along with once petting a tiger, Allison also delights in the fact that she has a Masters in Recreational Therapy from TSU and has traveled to 5 different countries.What does a normal workday look like?
Haha there's no real "normal" work day. But generally, I plan and do group and one-on-one activities that involve anything from chair exercises to music clubs to various types of games and sensory engagement. I also do assessments, care plans, administrative duties, progress notes, and related meetings.
Why do you feel called to work work with this age group and to do this type of work?
I guess I've always had a soft spot for this population, but within the past year or so that spot has turned into a God-given passion, which has transformed into a gift that I'm honored to have. It's not an easy field, but I find so much joy in being a small part of brightening up their day.
How do you bring Christ into your work?
The good thing about my job is that if I bring up the Lord or anything related and they don't agree or like talking about it, I don't have to worry about offending them because they will most likely forget about it 10 minutes later haha. It does help, however, that a large number of my residents were raised with some sort of church background and are open to the topic. Just the other day I did an entire activity of Sunday school song karaoke and they loved it bc it brought back fond memories for them. So I'm not outright preaching the gospel, but I do sneak in a simple mindset on God through casual conversation and memory activities. And that's enough for them, since at this stage they aren't capable of having deep, spiritual conversations.
Also, I try to show godly living to my coworkers through my actions and words, just by how I live on a daily basis. They've asked me why I've been all over the world and how I pay for it (mission trips and support raising) and how I'm able to still be a virgin and not just go to bars, get drunk, and date around. Again, not outright preaching, but more so setting an example that makes them curious and think.
Do you have a specific instance where God used you to minister to someone in some way?
this past summer I was a private caregiver for an elderly lady and every now and then she would randomly become anxious about what was going to happen when she died. I would talk with her about the Lord and what salvation really means and how you know if you're saved. I would also pray with her in those times. She had dementia, so I'm not sure if it really stuck, but at least I know the truth was spoken to her at some point.
Are there some struggles with being a Christian at your job?
I wouldn't say I've had any more struggles as any other Christian living in a secular world. Sure, there are times I wish I had someone to talk to at work that has the same Kingdom mindset, and I'm sometimes faced with crude language or invites to get drunk after work, but I try to take it in stride and keep living the way He's called me to. It's just part of the whole "we're called to live in the world, not of the world" thought process that I keep reminding myself.
I guess I've always had a soft spot for this population, but within the past year or so that spot has turned into a God-given passion, which has transformed into a gift that I'm honored to have. It's not an easy field, but I find so much joy in being a small part of brightening up their day.
How do you bring Christ into your work?
The good thing about my job is that if I bring up the Lord or anything related and they don't agree or like talking about it, I don't have to worry about offending them because they will most likely forget about it 10 minutes later haha. It does help, however, that a large number of my residents were raised with some sort of church background and are open to the topic. Just the other day I did an entire activity of Sunday school song karaoke and they loved it bc it brought back fond memories for them. So I'm not outright preaching the gospel, but I do sneak in a simple mindset on God through casual conversation and memory activities. And that's enough for them, since at this stage they aren't capable of having deep, spiritual conversations.
Also, I try to show godly living to my coworkers through my actions and words, just by how I live on a daily basis. They've asked me why I've been all over the world and how I pay for it (mission trips and support raising) and how I'm able to still be a virgin and not just go to bars, get drunk, and date around. Again, not outright preaching, but more so setting an example that makes them curious and think.
Do you have a specific instance where God used you to minister to someone in some way?
this past summer I was a private caregiver for an elderly lady and every now and then she would randomly become anxious about what was going to happen when she died. I would talk with her about the Lord and what salvation really means and how you know if you're saved. I would also pray with her in those times. She had dementia, so I'm not sure if it really stuck, but at least I know the truth was spoken to her at some point.
Are there some struggles with being a Christian at your job?
I wouldn't say I've had any more struggles as any other Christian living in a secular world. Sure, there are times I wish I had someone to talk to at work that has the same Kingdom mindset, and I'm sometimes faced with crude language or invites to get drunk after work, but I try to take it in stride and keep living the way He's called me to. It's just part of the whole "we're called to live in the world, not of the world" thought process that I keep reminding myself.
What advice/encouragement can you offer those struggling with sharing their faith at work.
You should never be concerned or scared about being yourself around people. If you're living for God and really want those around you to know His heart, then they should be able to see it in your regular day-to-day life. Be a living testimony to His goodness. You don't necessarily have to stand up in the middle of your office and yell something like "I love Jesus yes I do, I love Jesus, how bout you" (Unless you're a cheerleader coach at a Christian school....then go for it!) in order to spread the gospel. You'd probably receive a lot of backlash. Sometimes living a sincere, loving, graceful life can speak louder and people will notice and wonder. Usually, it's not until people see the benefit and positive outcomes in another's life that they will be more receptive to hearing the truth. But, aside from that, just listen to the Lord, not your own ideas of what needs to happen. He's working on your coworker's hearts too. He'll lead you in timing and words for sharing your faith with those who have ears to hear.
Can you share your favorite work moment with us-funny, proud, dramatic or otherwise!
Ahh that's a hard question!!! I have a new favorite moment everyday! There are moments of personal triumphs of getting that tough resident to smile or come to an activity. And then the funny moments....literally every happens all the time. Way too many stories to share! That's what makes my job so fun!
So I was walking around the building where I'm about to start a new job, giving myself a tour and meeting some of the residents. I go to the dementia-specific unit, walk into one of the smaller activity rooms, and see a woman sitting there working on a puzzle. I say "Hi there, how are you doing?!" and immediately she shoots back with "Well, I'm good but I'm just about to pass gas. You don't want to come over here." ....they kind of lose their filter the older they get. And I love it!
Monday, November 24, 2014
Sanity is Underrated and other Lessons from Riding the Bus
My decision to ride the bus for a year was for a few reasons:
1) Although I own a car, I wanted to save gas money and prevent wear and tear (especially helpful since City of Houston pays for employees to ride the bus for free)
2) It would help me learn the discipline of managing my time better and walking more
3) Most importantly, (and the reason I took the bus more than my year commitment) I wanted to love on and share Christ with a friend.
What I discovered is that it would take a lot more than my initial reasons to keep my commitment.
I want to tell you more about my friend a little later (let's call him Albert), but for now I'm going to share a few of the harder (and more peculiar) lessons I learned.
1) Riding the bus is humbling
The people who ride the bus come from every ethnicity, social status, religion, and economic background. You will sit with them, smell them, and sometimes accidentally fall on them (in the case of unexpected brakings or exceptionally sharp turns lol!) whether you like it or not, you will share uncomfortable moments with these strangers and in those moments you will be reminded that you are not that much different than them. Most people just want to get to their destination and not be bothered, but there are wonderful moments (usually when the crazy on the bus starts rapping or hitting a window) that you break the silence and share a short conversation with your neighbor about avoiding the crazy and then that leads to the topic of your destination and then on to life purpose and on and on. It's humbling that God uses weird moments and unexpected places to share Him with others. In fact to God there are no weird moments and no unexpected places.
2) God made the immune system one of our strongest tools
Along with riding the bus, I also work at the biggest public library in the city...which means that I wash my hands a lot. Sneezing, farting, hacking up a lung... You name it, I've been around it and touched what they've touched. In fact I got majorly sick two times- back to back shortly after taking the job and had to borrow sick time. But since then I've only had little sick days here and there. I'm around a multitude of infections, diseases, and bacterias but I'm healthier than ever! Its like my body was building up this intense shield! And on the bus there are no ways to avoid the germs-you got to hold on to something to not fall over. This isn't some dark magic that's preventing me from getting infected -Its God's design!
3) Sanity is underrated
COUNTLESS times have I encountered the crazy on the bus. Yes, that was singular....its rare that they'd come in packs... even they recognize that they can't handle each other. Seriously, if you haven't thanked God for your mental and emotional sanity today then stop right now and do it. Really. Do it.
The fact that you and I have social intelligence and that we can recognize our surroundings and adjust appropriately is a gift and a valuable skill. Our mental capacity of soaking up the meanings of direction, texture, limits, how cheese is made, etc....Its Incredible! Your ability to express healthy emotion and react to stimuli that strikes your heart....is nothing short of amazing. I can testify over and over that not all people have these skills. Thank God for your sanity today.
COUNTLESS times have I encountered the crazy on the bus. Yes, that was singular....its rare that they'd come in packs... even they recognize that they can't handle each other. Seriously, if you haven't thanked God for your mental and emotional sanity today then stop right now and do it. Really. Do it.
The fact that you and I have social intelligence and that we can recognize our surroundings and adjust appropriately is a gift and a valuable skill. Our mental capacity of soaking up the meanings of direction, texture, limits, how cheese is made, etc....Its Incredible! Your ability to express healthy emotion and react to stimuli that strikes your heart....is nothing short of amazing. I can testify over and over that not all people have these skills. Thank God for your sanity today.
4) Kindness is a currency
We live in the age of personal rights. It would be better to call them selfish rights....meaning "I deserve this because I was born...but I don't care if it trumps your rights or hurts society as a whole." I wish you could see me shaking my head right now. Therefor kindness, gentleness, humility, and self-sacrifice are rare commodities. I've been on buses multiple times when they were packed to the brim- not even standing room and then a woman and child or old woman would enter and NO ONE offered their seat. I've been on buses where all those that were sitting were men and the 5 or 6 standing were all women. Common decency is in dire supply. In Matthew 25 God says that we serve Him by showing kindness to the "least of these." Kindness is beautiful especially when you see it in action. There are beautiful moments when in freezing cold rain an Indian business man offers his seat to a young mother or when two college guys move so that the woman in the wheelchair can lock into the disabled space. On the bus, kindness is an offering.
We live in the age of personal rights. It would be better to call them selfish rights....meaning "I deserve this because I was born...but I don't care if it trumps your rights or hurts society as a whole." I wish you could see me shaking my head right now. Therefor kindness, gentleness, humility, and self-sacrifice are rare commodities. I've been on buses multiple times when they were packed to the brim- not even standing room and then a woman and child or old woman would enter and NO ONE offered their seat. I've been on buses where all those that were sitting were men and the 5 or 6 standing were all women. Common decency is in dire supply. In Matthew 25 God says that we serve Him by showing kindness to the "least of these." Kindness is beautiful especially when you see it in action. There are beautiful moments when in freezing cold rain an Indian business man offers his seat to a young mother or when two college guys move so that the woman in the wheelchair can lock into the disabled space. On the bus, kindness is an offering.
5) Jesus would have ridden the bus
I was raised to believe that Jesus didn't have a system of valuing one human being over the other. In the words of Rich Mullins "God doesn't have any taste." In God's economy we are all equal. He loves us each the same. And in the same mode of thought- he doesn't have any care for materialism. He wouldn't need a car. He wanted to be around His people....and He is designing Heaven to be with His people. Fellowship and intimacy with God is the end all be all. I think If he were still here in human form He would ride the bus. He would give up his seat to the working mom. He would calm the inner workings of the crazy's mind. He would fascinate the college kids with stories of His days with Peter, James, and John.
Lastly, I wanted to tell you about Albert- the reason I kept riding the bus.
Albert is an older Jewish man. He lives alone and leads a pretty simple life. He LOVES baseball....really ask him anything! His accent is as New Yorker as it gets. He moved to Houston many years ago and has had the same job the whole time. Albert is the type of man who doesn't make too much of himself. He just doesn't value being puffed up or wasting time on crap (my word not his). Albert is a good man.
When I started working downtown, God surprised me with Albert's friendship. He's not the type of man that you join for trivia at the local wings joint. I knew that if I had one purpose while working there that it would be to genuinely care about Albert. I knew that he wasn't the type of person that you can just spout off the gospel too and then be on your merry way. It was going to take time, building trust, investing in kindness, and sharing of myself to really be invited into Albert's life. I want Albert to know the God of the universe- who cares for his every need. Who shares his pains. Who delights in Him! I wanted to share Christ with Him- by showing Him the character of Christ. This meant taking the bus with Him. It didn't matter if the bus was dirty or weird things happened or we had to wait 20 minutes in the rain each day... what mattered was Albert seeing Jesus in action.
Since riding the bus with Albert, we have talked about God many times. We've been to a messianic Jewish meeting. We've shared burgers together. He has shyly admitted praying for a husband for me! ha ha! Its a slow process of showing Him a full picture of Christ's lover for him. My heart is to see him have a relationship with Christ. I will celebrate the day he makes that decision! Until then, I will continue to share Jesus with him with timely words, with caring actions, and a hopeful heart.
I was raised to believe that Jesus didn't have a system of valuing one human being over the other. In the words of Rich Mullins "God doesn't have any taste." In God's economy we are all equal. He loves us each the same. And in the same mode of thought- he doesn't have any care for materialism. He wouldn't need a car. He wanted to be around His people....and He is designing Heaven to be with His people. Fellowship and intimacy with God is the end all be all. I think If he were still here in human form He would ride the bus. He would give up his seat to the working mom. He would calm the inner workings of the crazy's mind. He would fascinate the college kids with stories of His days with Peter, James, and John.
Lastly, I wanted to tell you about Albert- the reason I kept riding the bus.
Albert is an older Jewish man. He lives alone and leads a pretty simple life. He LOVES baseball....really ask him anything! His accent is as New Yorker as it gets. He moved to Houston many years ago and has had the same job the whole time. Albert is the type of man who doesn't make too much of himself. He just doesn't value being puffed up or wasting time on crap (my word not his). Albert is a good man.
When I started working downtown, God surprised me with Albert's friendship. He's not the type of man that you join for trivia at the local wings joint. I knew that if I had one purpose while working there that it would be to genuinely care about Albert. I knew that he wasn't the type of person that you can just spout off the gospel too and then be on your merry way. It was going to take time, building trust, investing in kindness, and sharing of myself to really be invited into Albert's life. I want Albert to know the God of the universe- who cares for his every need. Who shares his pains. Who delights in Him! I wanted to share Christ with Him- by showing Him the character of Christ. This meant taking the bus with Him. It didn't matter if the bus was dirty or weird things happened or we had to wait 20 minutes in the rain each day... what mattered was Albert seeing Jesus in action.
Since riding the bus with Albert, we have talked about God many times. We've been to a messianic Jewish meeting. We've shared burgers together. He has shyly admitted praying for a husband for me! ha ha! Its a slow process of showing Him a full picture of Christ's lover for him. My heart is to see him have a relationship with Christ. I will celebrate the day he makes that decision! Until then, I will continue to share Jesus with him with timely words, with caring actions, and a hopeful heart.
Thursday, November 20, 2014
Christian Dating Culture - Women
"Why aren't you married?"
It's a question singles hear quite often these days. Some of us have an answer or two or three- and usually the answer is complex. But even though the question isn't meant to hurt but to encourage, it usually ends up stinging a little no matter how valid our answer to it may be.
The same question was studied by Pew Research Center and its results published in Time Magazine. The study focused on 3 answers - Not ready to settle down, Not financially prepared, and Haven't found what I'm looking for. Since we are focusing on singles ages 25-40, here are the percentages that said that they hadn't found what they were looking for.
29% (Ages 25-34) and a whopping 41% (Ages 35+)
Does what we are looking for exist?
Or is it the way we are looking that should change?
Or is it the way we are looking that should change?
The purpose of this post is to be the start of a fruitful conversation for solutions and direction regarding the problem of the current Christian Dating Culture. If you think there isn't any problem with it-you need only walk in to a church singles group and count the number of couples versus singles. Is the problem due to the fact that we have unlimited choices and therefor less grace for one another, maybe its due to the feminist movement affecting the church, or how we have been raised to have very high standards and push them even higher when looking for a mate within the Church? Let's talk about it, pray, seek counsel, and start being part of the solution.
I asked 5 single, godly women ages 25-40 from different Bible studies
to answer some of the questions at the root of the issue.
Here are their answers.
(All A answers are the same woman, all B answers are the same woman, etc.)
Would you rather be in a relationship right now than single? Do you have an intentional reason for being single right now?
A:What I want is God's will for my life. Are there times when I want to be in a relationship? Absolutely, yes. But what I trust in more than my own desires is God's good plan and purposes. Singleness as a gift is not a cliche, it is a rich time in our lives where we can live very freely. You can say yes to meet with friends at a moment's notice, you can give money freely without having to consider the needs of others, you can drop almost everything to go meet a need because you are unentangled. Marriage is a beautiful, God- given gift that I am so excited to one day participate in, but for now - even when it is difficult - I rest in knowing that I am living out God's will for my life; I have more peace in that than I could in making the right thing happen at the wrong time by pushing my own timeline rather than the Lord's.
B: For me, the only reason that I want to be in a relationship right now is to grow in my ability to love another person. I want to sacrificially give of myself in ways that I’m just not challenged to do in my singleness. Together, with my spouse, we will be able to accomplish far more than either of us could do on our own. Marriage is designed to serve, in one aspect, as a great purifier. To call out the best and worst in each of us, and cultivate a life of daily discipleship. Love is a choice. So no, I am not intentionally single right now. However, I have no desire to enter into a relationship that isn’t centered on mutual growth in Christ.C: I would definitely rather be in a relationship now as long as it was a healthy one. I've always been very independent. I've never felt like I had to have a man in order to accomplish things. I'm at a time in my life now though where I definitely long for a close relationship with a man that I trust and respect. The older I get, the more I understand all the amazing differences the Lord has made in men and women (besides the obvious ones :)). He has made men and women different in ways that ideally should compliment each other. I'd love to have a loving and trusting environment where I could learn more about the Lord, myself and my husband.
D: Yes, I'd rather be in a relationship right now, but I've finally come to the wonderful realization I am more than content being single. I am not choosing to be single, so to speak. Well, sure, I can choose to be in a relationship with that non Christian single guy who grunts at the gym and gets drunk every other weekend, but I'd rather not.
E: I'd rather be in a relationship. No.
What are you looking for in a husband?
A: I want a man for whom God's glory is his first priority. I want a man who loves God more than he loves me, because I believe that is the only way my husband can truly love me well, and because is there anything more important in life than loving and serving the Lord?
I want a man whose heart is for the Lord because it will lead him to be humble, joyful, thankful, kind, compassionate, and strong. I want a husband who understands what God designed him to be as a man and who has a desire to live that out. I want someone who desires to cultivate my holiness and our holiness as a couple to show the world who God is. And it certainly wouldn't hurt if he has a great sense of humor and enjoys having lots of fun.
B: Husband material for me is someone whose standard is God’s standard. We share the same perspective on what’s important, and how we choose to spend our time and resources. I also want my husband to be funny, with the ability to grow with the flow. He happily embraces all my unique aspects, and views me as a treasure.I want a man whose heart is for the Lord because it will lead him to be humble, joyful, thankful, kind, compassionate, and strong. I want a husband who understands what God designed him to be as a man and who has a desire to live that out. I want someone who desires to cultivate my holiness and our holiness as a couple to show the world who God is. And it certainly wouldn't hurt if he has a great sense of humor and enjoys having lots of fun.
C: My number one desire is that my husband love the Lord! I hope that many of the other qualities I'm looking for would follow as a by-product of his dedication to Christ. I'd love a man who is loving, kind, patient, forgiving, and thoughtful. I would want to know that a potential husband understands how to love those around him even when life is difficult.
I have an amazing father who loves The Lord and has shown me what a good husband and father looks like. My parents were foster parents. We received many kids that were very abused by their birth parents. This includes my adopted brother and sister. My sister always had violent tantrums. My father never ceased to be loving, kind and patient with her. I could always see on his face how difficult it was. I could see the toll it took on him and the sadness and hopelessness it sometimes caused. When my father felt that way he would look to the Lord for guidance, patience, and peace. In turn, his faith in the Lord strengthened my parents' marriage. My mother trusted my father's judgment and respected him.
D: Sexy, model, soccer player, tri-lingual, 6'2'', can rock skinny jeans, ... just kidding! I’m excited to be that Proverbs 31 woman to a man who loves God more than me. I’m excited to have a man who loves a woman who respects You more than him. If my future man truly has God number one in his life, everything else will fall into place. I'm looking for a sinner!! Don't read that wrong; I don't want someone who wants to walk in sin; I want a husband who realizes he's a sinner but repents, picks up the Cross daily and follows Jesus. My husband and I will mess up and have arguments, but I want...no...need a man who's focus is on his relationship with Jesus, not me. Someone who leads well because he's in tune with the Holy Spirit. That is waaaay more attractive than a tri-lingual model soccer player.
E: Someone who loves the Lord. Has a good work ethic. Has compassion for people. Takes care of himself.Confident enough to not let me walk all over him.
Do you think our current dating culture in the church is being fruitful? Is there something you would change?
A: Sometimes. I think too often we wait passively for God to bring us 'the one.' It is okay to actively show interest in the men/women around us running the same race at the same pace! I think we need a healthy recalibration of what God designed marriage to be and our understanding of how to pursue someone with whom we can have a God-purposed, God-glorifying marriage. If one major purpose of marriage is to bring God glory, then lets find people with whom we can accomplish this well!
B: While God has given us a model for marriage, the same cannot be said for dating. He allows for matches to happen in a variety of creative ways! How fun! No love story starts with the same exact beginning so I caution anyone wanting to shift or control an approach designed to be fruitful for the masses. At the heart of it all are the attitudes we ultimately have about what it means to be in a covenant relationship with another. Let the conversation start there, and not let it end until each person has made a commitment to actually walk it out. Perhaps, the focus shouldn’t necessarily be on how the current dating culture is affecting us collectively. It should be on how I choose to date as an individual that makes a difference. I’m not concerned with how everyone else is behaving. I don’t need all men in the world to be on my same wavelength when it comes to marriage. I just need one. And the fact that I’m not married yet has no direct relation to any “current dating culture” happening in the church. C: That is a difficult question for me to answer in an unbiased way. Clearly the culture is fruitful for some! It has not been fruitful for me so that naturally casts the whole thing in a negative light. I grew up in a church with lots of old people. I didn't have any Christian friends my age until I moved to Houston. As a result, I am much more comfortable with older believers. They are more laid back. They are friendlier because they don't have the disadvantage of being insecure about themselves. The young single Christian culture has been a very difficult thing for me to get used to. The church does not intentionally create environments that sometimes feel like meat markets but it feels that way none the less. I understand the purpose of creating separate LBS classes for different ages and times of life. I think maybe the different groups are a little bit too isolated sometimes. It would be good to see the example more regularly of older believers that understand the reality of marriage and love. It would help to learn about how to look for a husband more realistically.
D: Fruitful? I'm using the definition synonymous of "successful" in my response, outta clarity. I take this word two different ways. If by fruitful, are we as singles, learning from dating, then yes, the dating culture at HFBC is fruitful. We learn how to go on a date here or there, we learn from (sometimes awkward) breakups, we learn how to gossip better, we come out a dating situation hopefully a little more mature, we can be more fruitful by learning more about boundaries (which is a huge deal). Sometimes a fruitful relationship doesn't turn to marriage but allows for spiritual and emotional growth. If by fruitful, you mean dating which leads to marriage, then that's a big "N" to the "O"! There are HUNDREDS of singles at this church but the percentage of those actually getting married is microscopic. Now, I'm sure there are marriages happening I don't know about, but there should be a lot more. Why is there not more teaching's about dating? I understand some people just don't want to hear it, but let's face it, a lot of us are in Summit to get more than just the Holy Spirit. **wink wink nudge nudge** Am I right or am I right? I wish there were more ways for there to be more natural mentorship between Summit and more mature church members; something not so forced. I I'd love to have more opportunities for women to encourage the men without it being weird. I almost wish it was required for classes to mingle with every other class throughout the year, somehow. I don't know. I know there needs to be change within the church, I just don't know what that would look like.
E: I think it's pretty fruitful. It's not exactly working out for me personally but the many many weddings among my friends this year and last year indicate that it is indeed working. Honestly I think people over analyze potential relationships instead of just taking a shot and seeing what happens. And I think people need to be better able to deal with each other on a continuing basis when a relationship doesn't work out because we are still all in a community together.
Do you think that with the current Christian dating culture that 70% or more single Christians will be married by 33?
A: I certainly hope so.
B: Whose to know? And why the age 33? Whose to say 70% of single Christians “should” be married by 33? When we start putting a statistic on things, we focus on limitations rather than the remarkable variety of life journeys that we’re all on. Comparison is not a worldview we should have on marriage.C: No. Whether or not we like it we live in a sinful world. The sinful world influences us in ways that don't even feel sinful most of the time. That's very scary. The world says you can always have bigger and better. There is always a upgrade! Young Christians today (myself included) go into dating with that mindset. "This person is good but I'm sure I can do better!! There must be something better!" This goes on and on until we're old and never satisfied.
D: I'd like to think so, but I just don't know. This world, our society, plays more of an immediate impact on Christian's lives than people might want to believe. 33 is OLD to get married, especially for a woman and a Christian. 70% is pushing it; I believe the percentage would be lower since we seem to be gravitating away from Biblical truths. Maybe we should stop dating and look into courting.
E: Yes
What do you think is the reason that so many 25-40 year old Christians are still single?
A: In many ways we are more self-focused than ever, and sometimes relationships get in the way of doing what we want to do. We lack confidence! In ourselves, in the opposite sex, in the process. Some of us are immature spiritually, and nothing will simply fall into place if the most important thing - our relationship with God - is not in place first. Brothers and sisters God desires our hearts! If we won't give our hearts to the One who made them then why should we give them to anyone less?
C: I wish I knew specifically why there are so many. It would help me discover why I am one of them. Part of the reason is what I said in the Christian culture question. We are always thinking that there is a better option.We don't take the time to love people in spite of what we deem as their physical imperfections and the stumbles they've had in life. We want perfection even when we are not perfect.
B:There are a variety of reasons why any one of us is single at any given time. Personally, for me, I have not dedicated space in my life for intentionally fostering opportunities to socialize with a variety of Christian men on a consistent basis. My husband is not going to fall magically from the sky right in front of me. I realize that. While God can orchestrate a meetcute, at any given time, as I travel all around the world, my heart posture still has to be open to the possibility. It’s different than wondering if every man you meet is the one. It’s having the confidence to know that each encounter can be the beginning of something truly amazing if you choose to look at it that way, whether it ends in a relationship or not.
D: I just don't know? Maybe because we realize it's okay not to be married right outta college. Or maybe we're turning away from God's calling and becoming more dependent on ourselves instead of more dependent on Him? Maybe there are more singles because God's using us to witness to nonbelievers our own age. Maybe we, as women, are so focused on feminism instead of being feminine. Perhaps, because of feminism, women are pursuing relationships instead of the man, which in turn have men taking a more passive role in relationships? Maybe we, as women, are so focused on the end product (marriage) we forget to focus on the process of becoming more godly? Maybe we don't have enough mature believers in our lives pouring into us? I just don't know.
E: I think a lot of us have grown up and seen or experienced many broken homes and it scares us that we may live that out in our adult lives. So we wait because we think we might find something that we can be absolutely sure won't fail. Many others feel like they have to achieve a certain level of personal growth. job success, and financial stability before they can start a family. Basically I think it ends up being that we don't trust God enough to get us through things so we try to retain a measure of control because of our fear instead of stepping into relationships in Faith. Also there have just been societal changes. Women often work full time and have more pursuits outside of building a home and family. Also we live longer and can have children later into our lives which shifts the age at which we feel like we should "settle down".
What do you think is most confusing/hard to understand about the opposite sex?
A: Men's intentions. Are you interested in me or just flirting to have fun? Sometimes you seem interested but nothing happens. Are you unsure if you want to ask me out, too nervous to do so, am I not your 'first choice' or is something else going on?
B: People are people. Male and female are both created in the image of God. While certain behaviors may be different, ultimately, we all want the same things. I think the things that confuse us have a lot more to do with how accepting we are with others, and laying down expectations again and again and again. C: Everything! Specifically it's hard for me to figure out if a guy has intentions beyond flirting. Sometimes a guy flirts with me a lot and maybe even uses me a little to help him with things. I get hopeful about the prospect and then find out he has no intentions other that friendship. That's confusing and hurtful.
D: Personally, what's most hard to understand is how I can be such great friends with a man and it's nothing more than a friendship. I hear phrases telling me I'm wonderful, godly, in shape, funny, welcoming, friendly...blah blah blah. We flirt, we get along well and even others mention we should be together. All the characteristics you look for in a woman I have, yet...we're just friends. Why? Oh, that's right...because I don't look the part. I see your eyes scanning that beautiful single girl who just walked behind me. I don't even need to see her for me to know you're physically attracted to her. You don't think I notice your subtle stare as that girl walked into class? Every quality you want in a woman I possess, but I'm baffled how that'll never be enough. Yes, physical attraction is important, but I just don't understand the magnitude at which I'm seeing it lived out. Also, I've heard men say they don't take subtle cues very well (or at all) from women when we like you, but how are we to express our interest without crossing boundaries? Women don't want to come across as needy or clingy, but we want you to know we're interested without compromising your role in pursuing us...how do we do that?
E: I don't find men to be particularly confusing. Sometimes I think they find very odd things funny (like guys hitting each other with stuff).
What advice/encouragement do you have for the same sex? for the opposite sex?
A: Men - You're never going to find a wife if you don't pursue women (in a healthy way) now. Get to know better women that you may be interested in. Learn about their character, their heart for the Lord, what they want in a marriage. BE INTENTIONAL. And be clear with her in your intentions. If you just want to get to know her better to see if dating would be a good fit for you two, tell her that. If you want to date her with intent to marry, tell her that. If you are truly pursuing a wise woman of character, dating will not be nearly as painful as you imagine, even if you ask her out and she does not have the same interest back. God did not desing you to be passive, He designed you to be wise in action. So act!
Women - Seek first the Kingdom of Heaven and these things shall be given to you. Ladies keep your eyes on Jesus, and everything else is manageable. If you are interested in a man, encourage him to pursue you by showing your interest back without giving everything away in friendship. If he wants to get to know you more he will have to put forth the effort to do so! Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Date cautiously and with intention, keeping in mind always God's glory and His will in all relationships. God created marriage for His good glory, and He will be faithful with your desire in it while you are serving Him.
B: Make a decision on the kind of person you choose to be, and systematically remove all the things that are incongruent. Even if it takes 80 years. Don’t be afraid to have a standard. Women - Seek first the Kingdom of Heaven and these things shall be given to you. Ladies keep your eyes on Jesus, and everything else is manageable. If you are interested in a man, encourage him to pursue you by showing your interest back without giving everything away in friendship. If he wants to get to know you more he will have to put forth the effort to do so! Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Date cautiously and with intention, keeping in mind always God's glory and His will in all relationships. God created marriage for His good glory, and He will be faithful with your desire in it while you are serving Him.
C: Trust the Lord! Trust in His timing! It's cliche but true. When I genuinely look to Jesus for help I find peace in singleness. I have to pray for a renewal of trust every day. I would rather be single that in a miserable loveless marriage!
D: Here's some encouragement ladies: God has called us to be women of and for God! We are under God and we are His first and foremost; it's a beautiful thing to be protected by HIm! Don't worry if that guy doesn't text you, call back, ignores you...move on! If he's interested, he'll come. If you want to be pursued you have to let yourself be pursued. Women, what are you doing, right now, to develop your role as a future Proverbs 31 women? Even if you have no desire to be married, what are you doing to encourage the men in your life? How are you bringing light and life to those around you? "It is our destiny, planned, ordained, fulfilled by an all-wise, all-powerful, all-loving Lord" to be women of God! Live in that truth for Him and His glory, not for any man.
Fellas: You may hear a lot of women, articles, books saying how y'all needa grow up and be men. No! You are men! There are good, solid, Christian men all around!!! You are one of them!
Let me tell you, I may be outspoken and super extroverted and confident and know I need to work on shutting up and listening more, but I cannot wait for the day to submit to my husband. I can't speak for all women, but I'm praying for my future man right now. Be encouraged there are women who want to be on your team, who want to encourage you, who want to tell you how much they respect and adore you, who want to walk WITH you, be for you and not against you, bring you good not harm, women who love your confidence, who want to be YOUR helper, because that, fellas, was His original plan. For women to be a helper. We can't wait...well, at least I can't wait for the day a man like you walks into my life and leads! There are women who want to submit to a man of God like you...just lead the way and we'll gladly follow. If you're truly seeking God, we women WILL take notice. Men, please don't be intimidated, nervous, shy, scared or what have you. You may not hear this enough, or at all, but thank you men, for all you've done already. Please continue to be the
man God has called you to be.E: For ladies I'd say be careful about building relationships in your head. Many times we build things up to the extent that reality will not be able to meet our expectations. Also don't lose hope, being single isn't easy but it does provide the time for a lot of opportunities
For guys I'd say keep putting yourself out there and taking shots. Sure rejection isn't fun but it's not the end of the world either so don't build something up so much that it'll be all the more crushing. And maybe don't ask out the same girl that 5 of your buddies have already asked out and been shot down by. Broaden your outlook a little. There are tons of great available ladies at the church.
Source:
http://time.com/3422624/report-millennials-marriage/
Further Reading:
http://www.churchleaders.com/outreach-missions/outreach-missions-articles/162128-singled-out-does-the-church-ignore-singles.html
http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2009/augustweb-only/131-31.0.html
http://geeksjourney.com/how-churches-today-abandoned-the-christian-single
http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2009/augustweb-only/131-31.0.html
http://www.christianpost.com/news/christian-dating-culture-part-1-majority-of-single-christians-reject-idea-of-waiting-for-marriage-to-have-sex-114422/
http://www.christianpost.com/news/pew-for-one-how-is-the-church-responding-to-growing-number-of-singles-70586/
http://pastors.com/single-adults/
http://time.com/3422624/report-millennials-marriage/
Further Reading:
http://www.churchleaders.com/outreach-missions/outreach-missions-articles/162128-singled-out-does-the-church-ignore-singles.html
http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2009/augustweb-only/131-31.0.html
http://geeksjourney.com/how-churches-today-abandoned-the-christian-single
http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2009/augustweb-only/131-31.0.html
http://www.christianpost.com/news/christian-dating-culture-part-1-majority-of-single-christians-reject-idea-of-waiting-for-marriage-to-have-sex-114422/
http://www.christianpost.com/news/pew-for-one-how-is-the-church-responding-to-growing-number-of-singles-70586/
http://pastors.com/single-adults/
http://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/9-things-you-should-know-about-marriage-in-america
http://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/the-new-fight-for-marriage
http://money.cnn.com/2014/07/20/news/economy/millennials-marriage/
http://www.beinkandescent.com/articles/730/millennials-and-marriage
http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2014/03/07/millennials-in-adulthood/
http://nationalmarriageproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/SOOU2012.pdf
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/03/11/millennials-marriage-age_n_4944558.html
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
Christian Dating Culture - Men
A study of marriage among millennials by the Urban Institute found that the "the percentage of millennials marrying by age 40 will fall lower than for any previous generation of Americans". In fact they cited that if the current marriage rates stay the same that by 2030 only 69% of women and 65% of men would be married
by age 40.
by age 40.
An article from Boundless described the problem like this ...
A generation of singles are at risk of believing they've all been given the "gift of singleness" quite apart from the biblical conditions for celibacy; because a generation of singles are stuffing their discontent and starting to believe that it's their discontent, and not their protracted singleness, that is their sin; because a generation of Christian singles are at risk of never marrying and having children, thwarting God's desire for a godly seed.
The purpose of this post is to be the start of a fruitful conversation for solutions and direction regarding the problem of the current Christian Dating Culture. If you think there isn't any problem with it-you need only walk in to a church singles group and count the number of couples versus singles. As Steve Crain, a Christian counselor at Houston's First, has commented before- just a few decades ago the singles ministry didn't exist- there just wasn't any need for it. Is the problem due to the fact that we have unlimited choices and therefore less grace for one another, maybe its due to the feminist movement affecting the church, or how we have been raised to have quite high standards and push them even higher when looking for a mate within the Church? Let's talk about it, pray, seek counsel, and start being part of the solution.
Would you rather be in a relationship right now than single? Do you have an intentional reason for being single right now?
A: I'd rather be in a relationship now. I have feel like I have grown out of my single life and feel called to find a suitable life partner. Financially,spiritually, mentally mature.
B: I've been single for a while, Mostly due to growing in my Faith. I needed to spend a little time on the backside of the desert to understand my relationship with The Lord. Now that time has past, I'm definitely looking to be in a relationship now.
C:I crave a relationship more than just about anything. I have had this craving for several years. I suppose I have been ready to get married since about 22/23. I am 36 now. Even though I have been ready, I have not exactly made myself available… so even though you are ready, it doesn’t mean you are at the dance where the music is playing.
D:Yes; No
The purpose of this post is to be the start of a fruitful conversation for solutions and direction regarding the problem of the current Christian Dating Culture. If you think there isn't any problem with it-you need only walk in to a church singles group and count the number of couples versus singles. As Steve Crain, a Christian counselor at Houston's First, has commented before- just a few decades ago the singles ministry didn't exist- there just wasn't any need for it. Is the problem due to the fact that we have unlimited choices and therefore less grace for one another, maybe its due to the feminist movement affecting the church, or how we have been raised to have quite high standards and push them even higher when looking for a mate within the Church? Let's talk about it, pray, seek counsel, and start being part of the solution.
I asked 5 single godly guys ages 25-40 from different Bible studies
to answer some of the questions at the root of the issue.
Here are their answers.
(All A answers are the same man, all B answers are the same man, etc.)
Would you rather be in a relationship right now than single? Do you have an intentional reason for being single right now?
A: I'd rather be in a relationship now. I have feel like I have grown out of my single life and feel called to find a suitable life partner. Financially,spiritually, mentally mature.
B: I've been single for a while, Mostly due to growing in my Faith. I needed to spend a little time on the backside of the desert to understand my relationship with The Lord. Now that time has past, I'm definitely looking to be in a relationship now.
C:I crave a relationship more than just about anything. I have had this craving for several years. I suppose I have been ready to get married since about 22/23. I am 36 now. Even though I have been ready, I have not exactly made myself available… so even though you are ready, it doesn’t mean you are at the dance where the music is playing.
D:Yes; No
E: Absolutely. When you find someone you connect with, it is great.
What are you looking for in a wife?
A:Christian, beautiful, loving, faithful, a best friend, adventure buddy. Someone who can challenge me spiritually as well as walk in the same path with me. I guess being on the same page or dancing the same dance. Someone who likes to be physically active would be a + to me since I bond that way
B:God-Fearing, kind, gentle, smiles a lot, believes in healthy living and definitely sense of humor...I like to laugh
C:Of course God. She has to be Christian, love the Lord, etc… Attraction. I want her to pick me and I want to pick her (I am OK with having to convince her to date me). Obviously physical attraction is the highest in the ranking, but for me, other factors come into play. While physical attraction might get you one to three dates, it takes other attributes to proceed. Intelligence. I look for a specific spark that signifies that not only is the light on, but the whole crew is home. The ability to not only dream, but make those dreams happen. For example, Resourcefulness. Lastly, good stewardship (ability to live within your means). I have had one lady in and out of my life over the last several years. Everything clicks, I mean everything, except the stewardship. I look at the number one cause of divorce (finances) and I just can’t hitch my wagon to someone that can’t be in the same ballpark
D:Obviously Christian, willingness to change, active participant in the community of faith, acceptable looks
E: A friend. Cute, intelligent, humble, hard working, funny, supportive. A true disciple of Christ, active in the church. Oh, and she has to like Shane and Shane, of course.
Do you think our current dating culture in the church is being fruitful? Is there something you would change?
A: No. People who are way too conservative people are waiting for that perfect someone when that person does not exist. Either there is fear when men get rejected by a NO or maybe too much decisions for a girl when a guy asks her out. I would say date more and get to know other people. Only way to know someone is to give them a chance. It may work out it may not. Only way to know is to try and find out.
B: I think it's been fruitful with the single activities, but I'm kind of confused to why so many singles haven't become couples. I can't figure out if singles standards have become so ridiculously high and unattainable, or if people are just afraid of rejection/ making the first move
C: No. Absolutely not. Change – That’s hard to do. First we have to look at the issues: Gossip – Yes, high school was long ago. But, when was the last time you heard that so and so asked what’s their face out? Yeah… We are our own WORST enemy. In the testosterone-poor Christian male, it does not take much of a barrier to convince a guy NOT to ask a girl out. The fear that others will find out is quite intimidating. Especially if you think that person might say no. Another thing. IT IS JUST COFFEE. Ladies - No, he is not asking you to marry him. Just say yes. I don’t care if Jabba the Hut asks you to Coffee. GO! At the best you may have found the love of your life. At the worst, you found someone to mark off the list. There is no such thing as bad data. The only SUCCESS you can Guarantee is a NEGATIVE one by not going. Guys – If she goes to coffee with you, don’t beat her door down asking for a second date. If she is interested, she will let you know. When guys act needy or read too much into a friendly gesture, it hurts the case of many other guys that are on the margin. Every time a guy makes a situation awkward by not taking a hint, it makes the next guy have to work just a little more to get her to go to coffee. This isn’t sustainable.
D:Yes however I cannot speak to the level of fruitfulness. Maybe not change but it could be helpful if married people were more directly involved in the culture.
E: The purpose of dating is to find out if you want to have a relationship. The purpose of having a relationship is to find out if you want to be married. It's true that guys should ask girls on dates more often, but girls should not act as though the guy just asked for her hand in marriage. I have actually heard this line "I told him I wouldn't go on a date with him because I don't really know him." Seriously?!?
Also--girls don't depressed that you aren't asked out--at a church with good community, it's not necessary to go out to get to know someone--you can get to know a great deal about faith and character without ever starting the awkward process of dating. I would change this: girls seem to want the guys to take all the risk in asking them out, but are terrified to show any interest on their part. In our current business culture it's practically a crime to flirt, and it has rolled over to our church culture. Girls need to be willing to flirt and show interest. They should signal when it is okay for a guy to take the next step.
Do you think that with the current Christian dating culture that 70% or more single Christians will be married by 33?
A: No. Im 34 and still not married. In the time I been at church a lot of my friends got married but i am seeing a slow decline. Esp with new generation. I think we have become too busy or comfortable with ourselves and might not want to see relationships happen
B: Probably not. Mostly due to living in a career, position, status motivated country. It's how America defines "Success". Funny how marriage and family doesn't fit that equation lately
C: I don’t know. I think I missed that boat. I blame living overseas and travelling all the time.
D: Yes, I think so.
E: I hope not--I might not have anybody left to go out with.
What do you think is the reason that so many 25-40 year old Christians are still single?
A: Not too much interaction/interest w opposite sex...
B: Our success driven "Me" culture has influenced many singles to delay thoughts of marriage and family. The funny thing is, The happiest couples I know been married for 40 plus years started with early humble beginnings...but that's none of my business
C: I don’t know the true answer. Everyone is different. Some focused more on church, work, life, being busy, maturing, etc. Others have unrealistic standards. Some, just have not opened themselves up to the risk of dating. Dating is scary. Most have a different story.
But with all the stuff working against us (See above – gossip, not saying yes, etc.). It is truly a blessing when you see someone Graduate!
D: We are jacking around, over thinking it.
E: I think we have too many good choices. It has raised the standard because we have seen so many with great traits. And we are too quickly distracted by the other options out there. But besides that… I think a lot of us have a lot more work to do on ourselves than we are really willing to admit.
What do you think is most confusing/hard to understand about the opposite sex?
A: What they are looking for in man. Lots of guy are good, but I cant ever find out why the girls say NO. Also why they wont give some people a chance.
B: For me it's just having clarity on what she needs to feel loved...I want her to know that when she's around me, I'm her shade
C: Women are actually quite easy. They want to feel chosen, i.e. be loved. The hard part is to figure out how to communicate such an abstract concept.
D: The oppositeness- lol actually the more I get involved with you girls the less confusing y'all become.
E: It seems like girls aren't interested in legitimately good guys--not just myself, but guys I've tried to set up.
What advice/encouragement do you have for the same sex? for the opposite sex?
A: Date and get to know who is the best fit. Start as friends then take it from there. If there is interest then escalate into something more serious. No need to be indecisive
B: For My Brothers, I say be bold as lions. Take a chance and do what it takes to get next to the lady you're interested in. Start with prayer first, Ask God to set up a Divine-Appointment. Trust me it works
For my Sisters, Be bold as well, but in a very lady like way....It's ok to drop subtle hints on a guy that has caught your attention. Something simple as a smile, saying hello on a regular basis or a sweet glance could help. It doesn't take much for a guy, Believe That!
C: Guys – Ask her out. Wear nice clothes to church. The girls are watching. No, don’t bath in cologne like you are going to the club, that’s just trashy. Wear something that has been at least washed and ironed. Cargos are a NO – 90% of the time. Also, realize that not every guy can date the prettiest girl in the class. Don’t set your standards too high, be realistic. I hear guys talk about how the prettiest girl in church did not say yes to him. A few weeks ago, I got really frustrated with a friend and asked him, “with all the guys pursuing her, what makes you think she will say yes to you? What makes you stand above the other guys? How are you better? If you can’t answer those questions, how do you expect her to answer them?” Ladies – say yes when he asks. If he doesn’t ask. Ask him. Yeah, sometimes you will have to wear the pants in the relationship. Get over it. It’s life. Just realize that most guys suffer from low-T due to the feminization of the church/culture. You may not like it, but what do you have to lose? Also, if he does get the courage to ask you out. Be honest with him. Guys appreciate upfront honesty. Even if he does something lame like ask you out over Facebook. It is perfectly acceptable to respond, “I prefer if you ask me out in person than Facebook.”
D: Get after it, seize the day. This is for both sexes... Don't miss a good opportunity waiting for a perfect one
E: God is faithful. Singleness is not nearly so dreadful as it seems sometimes.
Sources:
http://urban.org/UploadedPDF/413110-Fewer-Marriages-More-Divergence.pdf
http://www.boundless.org/relationships/2006/getting-to-marriage-what-you-can-do
Other articles on the issue:
http://www.churchleaders.com/outreach-missions/outreach-missions-articles/162128-singled-out-does-the-church-ignore-singles.html
http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2009/augustweb-only/131-31.0.html
http://geeksjourney.com/how-churches-today-abandoned-the-christian-single
http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2009/augustweb-only/131-31.0.html
http://www.christianpost.com/news/christian-dating-culture-part-1-majority-of-single-christians-reject-idea-of-waiting-for-marriage-to-have-sex-114422/
http://www.christianpost.com/news/pew-for-one-how-is-the-church-responding-to-growing-number-of-singles-70586/
http://pastors.com/single-adults/
What are you looking for in a wife?
A:Christian, beautiful, loving, faithful, a best friend, adventure buddy. Someone who can challenge me spiritually as well as walk in the same path with me. I guess being on the same page or dancing the same dance. Someone who likes to be physically active would be a + to me since I bond that way
B:God-Fearing, kind, gentle, smiles a lot, believes in healthy living and definitely sense of humor...I like to laugh
C:Of course God. She has to be Christian, love the Lord, etc… Attraction. I want her to pick me and I want to pick her (I am OK with having to convince her to date me). Obviously physical attraction is the highest in the ranking, but for me, other factors come into play. While physical attraction might get you one to three dates, it takes other attributes to proceed. Intelligence. I look for a specific spark that signifies that not only is the light on, but the whole crew is home. The ability to not only dream, but make those dreams happen. For example, Resourcefulness. Lastly, good stewardship (ability to live within your means). I have had one lady in and out of my life over the last several years. Everything clicks, I mean everything, except the stewardship. I look at the number one cause of divorce (finances) and I just can’t hitch my wagon to someone that can’t be in the same ballpark
D:Obviously Christian, willingness to change, active participant in the community of faith, acceptable looks
E: A friend. Cute, intelligent, humble, hard working, funny, supportive. A true disciple of Christ, active in the church. Oh, and she has to like Shane and Shane, of course.
Do you think our current dating culture in the church is being fruitful? Is there something you would change?
A: No. People who are way too conservative people are waiting for that perfect someone when that person does not exist. Either there is fear when men get rejected by a NO or maybe too much decisions for a girl when a guy asks her out. I would say date more and get to know other people. Only way to know someone is to give them a chance. It may work out it may not. Only way to know is to try and find out.
B: I think it's been fruitful with the single activities, but I'm kind of confused to why so many singles haven't become couples. I can't figure out if singles standards have become so ridiculously high and unattainable, or if people are just afraid of rejection/ making the first move
C: No. Absolutely not. Change – That’s hard to do. First we have to look at the issues: Gossip – Yes, high school was long ago. But, when was the last time you heard that so and so asked what’s their face out? Yeah… We are our own WORST enemy. In the testosterone-poor Christian male, it does not take much of a barrier to convince a guy NOT to ask a girl out. The fear that others will find out is quite intimidating. Especially if you think that person might say no. Another thing. IT IS JUST COFFEE. Ladies - No, he is not asking you to marry him. Just say yes. I don’t care if Jabba the Hut asks you to Coffee. GO! At the best you may have found the love of your life. At the worst, you found someone to mark off the list. There is no such thing as bad data. The only SUCCESS you can Guarantee is a NEGATIVE one by not going. Guys – If she goes to coffee with you, don’t beat her door down asking for a second date. If she is interested, she will let you know. When guys act needy or read too much into a friendly gesture, it hurts the case of many other guys that are on the margin. Every time a guy makes a situation awkward by not taking a hint, it makes the next guy have to work just a little more to get her to go to coffee. This isn’t sustainable.
D:Yes however I cannot speak to the level of fruitfulness. Maybe not change but it could be helpful if married people were more directly involved in the culture.
E: The purpose of dating is to find out if you want to have a relationship. The purpose of having a relationship is to find out if you want to be married. It's true that guys should ask girls on dates more often, but girls should not act as though the guy just asked for her hand in marriage. I have actually heard this line "I told him I wouldn't go on a date with him because I don't really know him." Seriously?!?
Also--girls don't depressed that you aren't asked out--at a church with good community, it's not necessary to go out to get to know someone--you can get to know a great deal about faith and character without ever starting the awkward process of dating. I would change this: girls seem to want the guys to take all the risk in asking them out, but are terrified to show any interest on their part. In our current business culture it's practically a crime to flirt, and it has rolled over to our church culture. Girls need to be willing to flirt and show interest. They should signal when it is okay for a guy to take the next step.
Do you think that with the current Christian dating culture that 70% or more single Christians will be married by 33?
A: No. Im 34 and still not married. In the time I been at church a lot of my friends got married but i am seeing a slow decline. Esp with new generation. I think we have become too busy or comfortable with ourselves and might not want to see relationships happen
B: Probably not. Mostly due to living in a career, position, status motivated country. It's how America defines "Success". Funny how marriage and family doesn't fit that equation lately
C: I don’t know. I think I missed that boat. I blame living overseas and travelling all the time.
D: Yes, I think so.
E: I hope not--I might not have anybody left to go out with.
What do you think is the reason that so many 25-40 year old Christians are still single?
A: Not too much interaction/interest w opposite sex...
B: Our success driven "Me" culture has influenced many singles to delay thoughts of marriage and family. The funny thing is, The happiest couples I know been married for 40 plus years started with early humble beginnings...but that's none of my business
C: I don’t know the true answer. Everyone is different. Some focused more on church, work, life, being busy, maturing, etc. Others have unrealistic standards. Some, just have not opened themselves up to the risk of dating. Dating is scary. Most have a different story.
But with all the stuff working against us (See above – gossip, not saying yes, etc.). It is truly a blessing when you see someone Graduate!
D: We are jacking around, over thinking it.
E: I think we have too many good choices. It has raised the standard because we have seen so many with great traits. And we are too quickly distracted by the other options out there. But besides that… I think a lot of us have a lot more work to do on ourselves than we are really willing to admit.
What do you think is most confusing/hard to understand about the opposite sex?
A: What they are looking for in man. Lots of guy are good, but I cant ever find out why the girls say NO. Also why they wont give some people a chance.
B: For me it's just having clarity on what she needs to feel loved...I want her to know that when she's around me, I'm her shade
C: Women are actually quite easy. They want to feel chosen, i.e. be loved. The hard part is to figure out how to communicate such an abstract concept.
D: The oppositeness- lol actually the more I get involved with you girls the less confusing y'all become.
E: It seems like girls aren't interested in legitimately good guys--not just myself, but guys I've tried to set up.
What advice/encouragement do you have for the same sex? for the opposite sex?
A: Date and get to know who is the best fit. Start as friends then take it from there. If there is interest then escalate into something more serious. No need to be indecisive
B: For My Brothers, I say be bold as lions. Take a chance and do what it takes to get next to the lady you're interested in. Start with prayer first, Ask God to set up a Divine-Appointment. Trust me it works
For my Sisters, Be bold as well, but in a very lady like way....It's ok to drop subtle hints on a guy that has caught your attention. Something simple as a smile, saying hello on a regular basis or a sweet glance could help. It doesn't take much for a guy, Believe That!
C: Guys – Ask her out. Wear nice clothes to church. The girls are watching. No, don’t bath in cologne like you are going to the club, that’s just trashy. Wear something that has been at least washed and ironed. Cargos are a NO – 90% of the time. Also, realize that not every guy can date the prettiest girl in the class. Don’t set your standards too high, be realistic. I hear guys talk about how the prettiest girl in church did not say yes to him. A few weeks ago, I got really frustrated with a friend and asked him, “with all the guys pursuing her, what makes you think she will say yes to you? What makes you stand above the other guys? How are you better? If you can’t answer those questions, how do you expect her to answer them?” Ladies – say yes when he asks. If he doesn’t ask. Ask him. Yeah, sometimes you will have to wear the pants in the relationship. Get over it. It’s life. Just realize that most guys suffer from low-T due to the feminization of the church/culture. You may not like it, but what do you have to lose? Also, if he does get the courage to ask you out. Be honest with him. Guys appreciate upfront honesty. Even if he does something lame like ask you out over Facebook. It is perfectly acceptable to respond, “I prefer if you ask me out in person than Facebook.”
D: Get after it, seize the day. This is for both sexes... Don't miss a good opportunity waiting for a perfect one
E: God is faithful. Singleness is not nearly so dreadful as it seems sometimes.
Sources:
http://urban.org/UploadedPDF/413110-Fewer-Marriages-More-Divergence.pdf
http://www.boundless.org/relationships/2006/getting-to-marriage-what-you-can-do
Other articles on the issue:
http://www.churchleaders.com/outreach-missions/outreach-missions-articles/162128-singled-out-does-the-church-ignore-singles.html
http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2009/augustweb-only/131-31.0.html
http://geeksjourney.com/how-churches-today-abandoned-the-christian-single
http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2009/augustweb-only/131-31.0.html
http://www.christianpost.com/news/christian-dating-culture-part-1-majority-of-single-christians-reject-idea-of-waiting-for-marriage-to-have-sex-114422/
http://www.christianpost.com/news/pew-for-one-how-is-the-church-responding-to-growing-number-of-singles-70586/
http://pastors.com/single-adults/
http://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/9-things-you-should-know-about-marriage-in-america
http://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/the-new-fight-for-marriage
http://money.cnn.com/2014/07/20/news/economy/millennials-marriage/
http://www.beinkandescent.com/articles/730/millennials-and-marriage
http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2014/03/07/millennials-in-adulthood/
http://nationalmarriageproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/SOOU2012.pdf
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/03/11/millennials-marriage-age_n_4944558.html
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