Tuesday, December 18, 2012

For Those Who Are Waiting

I had the pleasure of living in the beautiful country of Jordan for a summer. And there I heard a few stories that I will never forget. You need to hear them. 



Sometime in the 90s there was an American pilot who was hired by the Royal Jordanian Air Academy to train some of the students to be fully equipped pilots. He taught them all of the skills they needed to graduate and it finally became time. So, the American man asked the faculty when the graduation day would be. Faculty and staff all said that they didn't know when graduation would happen. The American pilot found this to be completely ridiculous. What kind of Academy wouldn't have a set graduation day?! Weeks passed. Months passed. Still no graduation. As the summer came to a close the man finally became frustrated and asked when graduation would be one last time. An instructor responded with the answer. "We don't fly until the King gives us our wings." They had been waiting all along on King Hussein to come and personally give them permission to become real pilots. He had the final say. Graduation day eventually did happen, but the new students would have waited as long as it took to hear the King's word. They wouldn't have settled on anyone less.

Waiting isn't a game, a means of torture, or a waste of time.
It is a journey of trust.
Waiting on the King to answer is worth it.

Ruth waited on a husband
Daniel waited for rescue
Job waited for relief
Moses waited for freedom
Mary waited for resurrection
Sarah waited for a child
Joshua waited for walls to fall
Joseph waited for his family
Jesus has been waiting on you

I have been waiting for healing. I have been waiting for love. I have been waiting for answers. God will answer you. It just takes trusting in his timing and in his ways.

 Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
do NOT depend on your own understanding.
Seek his will in all you do,
and he WILL show you which path to take.
Proverbs 3:5-6
The second and last story is the most incredible I've ever heard.
There once was an old man who had lost his family in tragedy. His children and his wife were taken too soon. The years of pain and loneliness wore down the heart of the man. So, every week he found peace and comfort by going to church to listen to the children's choir practice. The members of this church learned of his suffering and felt it ok to let him sit in the sounds of their small voices. After many times of seeing this old man sit in the back all by himself, one of the little girls thought she would go say hello. Her boldness surprised the man as she invited him to join her family for dinner. Without her father's permission she brought the old man home, but the family welcomed him kindly into their house, just like any other good Jordanian family would. Before dinner, the father of the little girl sat and heard the old man's story of loss. As the family ate dinner later that night, the father surprised the little girl and the old man by announcing that she would go and live with the old man and become his daughter. He felt God urge him to give this child to a man who no longer had any. The little girl lived and grew up with the man and was adopted as his official daughter. What is more incredible about this story is the old man was the best friend of the King of Jordan and a famous race car driver. Even after the old man's passing, the girl (now woman, mother, and grandmother) lived in love, wealth, and favor.
The granddaughter is my friend Maida, who I stayed with for my summer in Jordan.
Ruth got a husband.
Joseph got his family back.
Sarah got a child.
All were answered.
 You will be too.

All glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.
Ephesians 3:20

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Pain and Suffering



These days we here about a variety of pains. Cancer. Natural Disasters. Divorce. etc. And I'm pretty sure that is how the devil likes it. He is a master of emotional and psychological confusion, sinful creativity, and hellish torture. And just about everyone I know has suffered through their own mixed bag of his evil tactics. The devil really does hate your guts.

But GOD...and his infinite kindness whispers to us his secret plans.
"when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy." James 1:2

Why?
"When your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow." and "God blesses those who patiently endure" James 1:3,12


You might be thinking what a 25 year old would know about suffering.

Like I've  said before in my blog, I was abused growing up. Psychologically, emotionally, and physically. EVERY holiday has pain etched into its memory. Punched at Halloween. Kicked out at Christmas. Manipulated at Thanksgving. I've seen more than my share of counselors, taken meds, and experienced frightening panic attacks. For a long time I thought that love meant a nagging responsibility rather than affectionate grace and tender attention. Joy wasn't even close to possible.

But GOD had plans.

Rescue. Healing. Restoration

The Lord brought in a youth group that accepted me as I was, constantly showed me what love was, gave me a purpose, and encouraged me to delight in the gifts that I already had. I found rescue at the time when the abuse was the worse.

The Lord healed me through a community of believers at SHSU who passionately followed the Lord and who also encouraged me by reminding me who Christ says I am, instead of what my abuse told me I was. They also helped me with the healing by bearing with me through some of the continued times of abuse-offering up their homes, introducing me to their families, and blessing me with unconditional love and affection.

And eventually, after many years, God restored the relationship between my abuser and I. The Lord transformed them, poured out His grace on them, and continues today to rebuild our relationship through peace, forgiveness, and purpose. They found their identity once again in Him and so our relationship found ground to grow in once more, too.

I discovered very quickly after being rescued, healed, and restored that the suffering wasn't over.

Even after going through all of the healing, my panic attacks continued. So did the weight gain, forgetfulness, anxiety, extreme exhaustion, skipping heart beats, female issues, etc.
It all seemed wildly disconnected but in 2010, I was diagnosed with Hashimotos Disease.
Its an autoimmune disease which causes the thyroid to attack the body with various effects. Mainly it steals energy from the body by not properly controlling the hormones.

Lets just say like I felt like a tired, fat, crazy, broken person.
Things I heard from my doctor..."you're really a skinny person inside. Your body just doesn't know it." "You're f****ed." (he said it in a joking manner...but still terrible to hear from your doc). There were more too.

It was nice having an answer, but it being an incurable disease...not my first choice.

But GOD prepared me for this one by building up my endurance over the years, and He has a plan for this one too. In fact He's given me another "opportunity for great joy."

I'll be honest most days I don't see myself as He sees me, but I'm working on it. But what I have learned so far with this trial is that God has given me the opportunity to encourage those around me who also have sufferings.

So this blog was and is for you too. I hope you ask yourself "How is God using my suffering as an opportunity for great joy?"

I'd love to hear your answers.

-Jess




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Do not be conformed to this present world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may test and approve what is the will of God-what is good, well-pleasing and perfect. Romans 12:2

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