Pain and Suffering

These days we here about a variety of pains. Cancer. Natural Disasters. Divorce. etc. And I'm pretty sure that is how the devil likes it. He is a master of emotional and psychological confusion, sinful creativity, and hellish torture. And just about everyone I know has suffered through their own mixed bag of his evil tactics. The devil really does hate your guts.

But GOD...and his infinite kindness whispers to us his secret plans.
"when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy." James 1:2

Why?
"When your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow." and "God blesses those who patiently endure" James 1:3,12

You might be thinking what a 25 year old would know about suffering.

Like I've  said before in my blog, I was abused growing up. Psychologically, emotionally, and physically. EVERY holiday has pain etched into its memory. Punched at Halloween. Kicked out at Christmas. Manipulated at Thanksgving. I've seen more than my share of counselors, taken meds, and experienced frightening panic attacks. For a long time I thought that love meant a nagging responsibility rather than affectionate grace and tender attention. Joy wasn't even close to possible.

But GOD had plans.

Rescue. Healing. Restoration

The Lord brought in a youth group that accepted me as I was, constantly showed me what love was, gave me a purpose, and encouraged me to delight in the gifts that I already had. I found rescue at the time when the abuse was the worse.

The Lord healed me through a community of believers at SHSU who passionately followed the Lord and who also encouraged me by reminding me who Christ says I am, instead of what my abuse told me I was. They also helped me with the healing by bearing with me through some of the continued times of abuse-offering up their homes, introducing me to their families, and blessing me with unconditional love and affection.

And eventually, after many years, God restored the relationship between my abuser and I. The Lord transformed them, poured out His grace on them, and continues today to rebuild our relationship through peace, forgiveness, and purpose. They found their identity once again in Him and so our relationship found ground to grow in once more, too.

I discovered very quickly after being rescued, healed, and restored that the suffering wasn't over.

Even after going through all of the healing, my panic attacks continued. So did the weight gain, forgetfulness, anxiety, extreme exhaustion, skipping heart beats, female issues, etc.
It all seemed wildly disconnected but in 2010, I was diagnosed with Hashimotos Disease.
Its an autoimmune disease which causes the thyroid to attack the body with various effects. Mainly it steals energy from the body by not properly controlling the hormones.

Lets just say like I felt like a tired, fat, crazy, broken person.
Things I heard from my doctor..."you're really a skinny person inside. Your body just doesn't know it." "You're f****ed." (he said it in a joking manner...but still terrible to hear from your doc). There were more too.

It was nice having an answer, but it being an incurable disease...not my first choice.

But GOD prepared me for this one by building up my endurance over the years, and He has a plan for this one too. In fact He's given me another "opportunity for great joy."

I'll be honest most days I don't see myself as He sees me, but I'm working on it. But what I have learned so far with this trial is that God has given me the opportunity to encourage those around me who also have sufferings.

So this blog was and is for you too. I hope you ask yourself "How is God using my suffering as an opportunity for great joy?"

I'd love to hear your answers.

-Jess