The Unbearable "Uns"

No this isn't new slang. This isn't a secret abbreviation. They aren't poisonous fruits from the desert or the feeling you get after you just finished a Grey's Anatomy-watching binge on Netflix.

The unexplained

The unimaginable

The undetermined

The uncomfortable

The unspeakable

THESE terrible, ugly, horrifying situations above are the bane of my existence. I would be completely satisfied if I never had to meet them ever again. Because when we meet I ugly cry and get queasy...I want to hide in a jar of Nutella... I want to retire early in Belize... I want to completely shut down.

I'm sure you've met them...but if you haven't, let me introduce you to some of their personalities.

I'm the relationship that just crumbles and goes dark without rational explanation. Leaving you to guess- was it something you did? Was it a psychological problem they have? Will you ever see them again?

I'm the unexplained

I'm the cancer that showed up in your 4-year old. The kind that will take every dollar, every tear, every ounce of strength, every vacation day that you have.

 I'm the unimaginable

I'm the 42 job applications that you just sent out just hoping and praying that yours will be noticed among the thousands of others when you're on your last unemployment check.

 I'm the undetermined

I'm your new father-in-law under the influence, strangely confiding in you that he's about to divorce your new bride's mother after 30 years of marriage.

I'm the uncomfortable

I'm the horror of having your village's school girls kidnapped. Your government not caring enough. And the terrorists taunting you with tweets of their new "husbands."

 I'm the unspeakable

These are the things that take steel courage to put on facebook. Because you know the pity and the questions could push you over the edge. So they rarely make it to a status update. Let's be honest- these types of moments are ones that we have ALL encountered. And they are the ones that make us question everything. Humanity. Existence. God.

Really-does The almighty, perfect, omnipotent God believe that fallible, weak, little ol me could continue to stand when faced with terrors such as these?!
The answer - No... At least not alone.

Elisabeth Eliot's 2nd husband who died of cancer was quoted as saying this. "When the will of God crosses the will of man, somebody has to die." Elisabeth's first husband was slaughtered by a tribe while trying to minister to them. She went back and finished the job-lived with them and converted the whole village. She went and lived with her terror. Through her and the other wives, an entire village met Jesus. But it started with death. Jesus' and her husband's and she was well aware that she could have been the third but SHE STILL WENT!

If I were her, I would then think that I had paid my dues... That of course God would never make me face another "Un" ever again...but you remember that I already told you that her 2nd husband died of cancer. So it just isn't true. God isn't nice. He isn't safe. (As Lucy in Narnia puts it)

To be raw with you, I am facing an Un in my life right now. I'm smack in the middle of it. I have no idea what will happen in 30 minutes or the next month. But what I do know is this - I am not alone, God intimately knows the situation, and that my job is to lean in and trust Him.

For days or weeks or even years you may have cried, prayed, read all the best books, talked to the professionals, joined the support groups, and on and on. But no matter what God says this "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9


He says lean in because you're not alone. In fact he says 100+ times in the Bible In an array of times and places. He is saying it to me right now. He is saying it to you. As My Utmost For His Highest puts it...

“I say to you, do not worry about your life….” Our Lord says to be careful only about one thing— our relationship to Him. But our common sense shouts loudly and says, “That is absurd, I must consider how I am going to live, and I must consider what I am going to eat and drink.” Jesus says you must not. Beware of allowing yourself to think that He says this while not understanding your circumstances. Jesus Christ knows our circumstances better than we do, and He says we must not think about these things to the point where they become the primary concern of our life. Whenever there are competing concerns in your life, be sure you always put your relationship to God first.
“Sufficient for the day is its own trouble” (Matthew 6:34).

I don't know if what your facing is the unimaginable or the Undetermined. It may be both. All I know is that you are NOT alone. God knows what you are facing. And it's time to keep going because even when we feel like tapping out, God never relents.

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Why I'll Never Have an "After" Photo

Hi, My name is Jess and I am addicted to Sweets.
No joke-I am a sugar-holic.
The most I've ever gone without sweets was 60 days.
Today its been...... 16 hours since my last indulgence

It doesn't matter if I'm happy or sad, having an exercise high, or even in love La La land....I still want ice cream, brownies, chocolates, etc. I think about them everyday. I'm REALLY good at baking too. I make an insane chocolate torte, delectable sopapilla cheesecake, scrumptious cookies. "You should open a bakery"...is something I've heard more than a few times. And honestly when everything else has gone awry in my world, sweets have always satisfied. Always. Let me be clear with you about how bad my addiction is. Even when God has not given me what I wanted, even when His love was not enough to satisfy me, even when His will was hardest...Sweets were consistently good.

Let me go even deeper with you.
I committed a year to the Lord to transform my body, my habits, and overall health. Here are a few of my successes.
-Eliminated all soda
-Daily drank 75 to 100 oz water
-Limited calories to less than 1,800
-Exercised 3 to 7 times per week
-Learned how to cook lean, gluten free, and vegan
-Lost 40 pounds
-Improved breathing and longevity

BUT the sweets have stopped my growing success. I just can't kick them to the curb. They have never failed me... until now. You see, I've got my eye on this fitness goal to be in the best shape of my life. I want to be able to say that I have done whatever it took for my body to feel and look great. I want to be an example to my family, friends, and future children. I want to show other people with thyroid disorders that they CAN look and feel amazing. That they can overcome.

But my body has stopped moving forward. Even with all these wonderful new healthy habits and skills.... my success is at a stand-still. Addictions wreck your goals.The sweets are in the way. They have to go.

For me this is not a purely physical thing. It is very largely a mental and spiritual war.
You see I'm not just a sugar addict, I'm an idolater. Dessert has occupied a place in my mind that only God should be. I have thought about finishing my day with the sweet and perfectly delicious Ben and Jerry's when Jesus wants to be my complete and holy satisfaction. I've longed for tastes of warm brownies and cookies and slowly deadened my desires for the comforts of His word and the warmth of His presence. I will never stop needing more of Jesus, but my mind tells me that He doesn't satisfy the same way. That He isn't safe. That He isn't consistent. And sometimes it even says that He isn't enough. And truthfully, sometimes...I believe it.

So you see- I NEED your help. I need all the help I can get. Because I have broken the commandment that says that Thou Shall have NO other gods before me. I crave and long for something made by man more than the One who made me. Its time to give sweets up for good.
I think gluttony is just a bad a sin as stealing. I am no better than thief next to Jesus on the cross.

The good news is this though.... I'll never have an "after" photo. Let me explain.
God isn't finished with me! He isn't finished with you! He isn't finished with His Bride!
If this blog were finished in that last paragraph, it would be pretty depressing. But the good news is that He doesn't just tell us to get our crap together and then stand in the corner waiting for us to do it.
Here on Earth, we will always be in process. And its a good, good thing.

In Romans 7 we see Paul struggling with the same thing. He says...
Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!

I am not naive. I know that even with all your help, the best accountability, and even if you took away my credit card....I will still mess up. Sin is at work. And sin wrecks our progress. There is great hope though because Jesus is My Deliverer!!!

He looks at me like this...

You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.

Song of Solomon 4:7

I'm not going to use his grace as an excuse though. We can never shove His goodness back in His face and say that it gives us the right to stay in bed with our sin. We miss the point of His death altogether if we do this. I want to challenge and encourage you. Do not ignore your sins. Do not downplay the power they have over you. Do not underestimate your enemy. I'm not saying tell the whole world (like I just did), but tell someone who can hold you accountable and point you back to right living with grace. Join Al Anon or weight watchers or a support group. I've even known addicts to give someone keys to their house so they can do inspections. 

Several years ago, a friend sat me down after I had sinned pretty bad. Through tears she explained that she used to be enslaved by the sin that I was just playing with. That hit me hard. Sin is not a game and it shouldn't be played with. 

So remember the next time you mess up - our sin problem is a serious one, but God isn't finished with us! Get back up, Get some help, and remember that you are still His prize!

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God at Work - Rebekah the Attorney

Many of us have been on some difficult mission trips but sometimes our jobs can be harder than them all. Its a different mission altogether. You are there long term. Your coworkers see your failures and are watching how you deal with stress. They see if you give dignity to the people around you and if you get puffed up when receiving praise. And in a post-Christian society it is even harder to openly share Christ in the comings and goings. The following individuals are Christians who daily bring Christ to work. Their focus is doing their job well but leading people into eternity in the process.

Rebekah is Estate Planning/Probate Attorney in Houston, Texas
She is also a home schooled, East Texas transplant who likes her books mysterious and her cheese aged, and who is currently very excited about Brian Regan's upcoming performance in Houston.

What does a normal work day look like?

Every day is different.  (One thing I love/hate about my job. :-) On any given day, I could be drafting a Will, going to probate court, trying to find lost heirs, looking up how to get cremated ashes buried, meeting with clients, or working with banks/insurance companies to get information or claims finalized.

Why do you feel called to work in your field? 

God has given me aptitudes and opportunities that make me well-suited to this field and so I feel that I am able to help people effectively using those skills and abilities that God has given me.

How do you bring Christ into your work?

I try to "always be ready to give an answer for the hope that is in me."  When my clients are unbelievers, it is difficult for me to initiate conversations about Christ, so with them I try to make it my goal to "work as unto the Lord" so that 1) I do good work for clients so that they don't have any grounds for complaint and 2) hopefully conduct myself in such a way that they will see something different in me. When my clients are believers, I often have opportunities to help them accomplish spiritual goals in the planning or administration of their estates.  Often they are very encouraging to me as I see the lives and families they have built around Christ. :-)

Do you have a specific instance where God used you to minister to someone in some way? 

I think the main examples I have of this are in my probate cases. Often my clients have just lost a spouse or other family member and are struggling with having to make important decisions in the midst of their grief.  My job is to provide the information and resources necessary for them to make many of those decisions and to guide them through the process of settling their loved one's affairs.  I think it helps them a lot knowing that they have someone in their corner who will help shoulder the burden.

Are there some struggles with being a Christian at your job? 

As a self-employed person, I thankfully do not deal with any pressure in my workplace.  Also, I'm generally not forced to work with anyone with whom I have fundamental disagreements.  I'd say the biggest struggle I have, is finding a balance between being bold about sharing my faith and conducting myself in a professional manner with clients and business contacts.  Often I rely on people being willing to share very personal information with me in order to do my job.  If I come across as judgmental or disapproving, they are very likely to shut down and just not share = I mess up their Estate Plan and eventually go out of business.  On the other hand, what's more important, me drafting them a Will or them developing a personal relationship with Christ? It's tough. :-)

What advice/encouragement can you offer those struggling with sharing their faith at work.

Harking back to the whole self-employed-work-alone thing, I'm not sure I have a lot to offer in this area.  Just from my interactions with clients, my biggest thing is to try to do my work with excellence.  If I am perceived as lazy or incompetent, I am not going to have any credibility in sharing my faith.

Can you share your favorite work moment with us-funny, proud, dramatic or otherwise! 

It's hard to choose one favorite, but a big one was getting my first client check as a self-employed attorney.  In some ways I felt like I had just pulled a successful con, but it was a really fantastic feeling to think that someone trusted me, as a new attorney, to handle their legal work. :-)

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