The BEST Wine

One of my favorite stories is the one of how Brother Lawrence came to know God. One day he's just staring at this tree. Not just staring but really doing some deep thinking about how the dead leaves were falling off and how the tree was awaiting spring and summer to have fullness again. And it just hit him...this was what God's love for Him looked like. He was never the same after that.

Honestly for most of us- staring at a tree doesn't do it! With real footage of planes crashing, beheadings, and wild hurricanes ripping through cities...its not really surprising that we demand to have an almost mind-blowing life experience to really come to see the one true God. We are pretty numb. It takes a lot for us to be shocked and even more for us to change. And its even sadder that even after we do become Christians that we keep expecting God to do explosive things to get our attention. Its almost like we keep holding our lives ransom until God does the next big thing and the next and the next.

But the tree was enough for Bro. Lawrence. You know what he spent the rest of his life doing? washing dishes. No joke. He worked in monastery's kitchen for the majority of his life. In fact he is famous for Practicing the Presence of God ...literally (the title of his published letters). God's presence was where he wanted to stay from the moment he looked at that tree til the day he died. He did this by doing the most lowly of tasks-serving. This wasn't always enough for him...but God's presence was.

I tell you about Bro. Lawrence to lead you into why you are supposedly reading about Wine. And of course you didn't come here for just any wine...but the BEST wine.

As we all do, I have been going through one of life's big storms. Really-its been hellacious (my own word). It hit unexpectedly. It was insanely rough. I didn't understand its purpose. But needless to say-I'm pushing through it. I've been spending some time with God-crying out, relaxing at home, and just taking a life-breather. And as we all know, work doesn't stop just because life is throwing you for a loop. So because I work in a library, I was doing that old librarian thing of shelving books. I was in the wine section lining up these books (see below), just me and my thoughts alone...when I had a Brother Lawrence tree moment....

"Wait for the good wine."

Of course it was a small voice but a clear one. I'm not really a wine drinker and I was at work so it was clear God wasn't telling me to actually get ready to buy some merlot. He was telling me that the things that have broken, the people he has removed, the plans he has changed have been to give me a good life, not a satisfactory one. These books in front of me were on everything about wine. How to have a good orchard. How to produce the best flavor. Where to find the best wine in Texas. Everything you want to know about wine, my library has it. But God was telling me that He is a craftsman of fine wine. He's not only the best gardener, He's also the best bartender. He knows every single detail of my life. He knows what needs to be ripped away, what needs to be replanted, what needs to die. Because He is crafting the BEST wine. His methods are making me into the BEST wine He can craft.

I could be more even more cliche and talk about all the verses of the Bible we've heard a thousand times about God being the vine and us the branches, or remind you that His first miracle was creating insanely delicious wine at a wedding or even talk about how His life was poured out like wine. But I won't continue with the list.

It comes down to this ...
God will stop at nothing to make you more like His son Jesus. If so much of the Word compares wine with being good and the best of this life....then He is going to make your life like the BEST wine.

He is going to break off dead leaves.
He is going to strain the juice from the pulp.
He is going to place you in dark places to wait.

He is going to get as much glory from your life as He possibly can. The very best wine that is of the highest quality and value is the wine that has been waited for. He is taking His time. And He has every right to, because He is the winemaker.

One last thought.
Your husband, your boss, the guy in the car in front of you...He's turning them into fine wine too. Have some patience and some grace while He does His life's work.

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Pain and Suffering

These days we here about a variety of pains. Cancer. Natural Disasters. Divorce. etc. And I'm pretty sure that is how the devil likes it. He is a master of emotional and psychological confusion, sinful creativity, and hellish torture. And just about everyone I know has suffered through their own mixed bag of his evil tactics. The devil really does hate your guts.

But GOD...and his infinite kindness whispers to us his secret plans.
"when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy." James 1:2

Why?
"When your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow." and "God blesses those who patiently endure" James 1:3,12

You might be thinking what a 25 year old would know about suffering.

Like I've  said before in my blog, I was abused growing up. Psychologically, emotionally, and physically. EVERY holiday has pain etched into its memory. Punched at Halloween. Kicked out at Christmas. Manipulated at Thanksgving. I've seen more than my share of counselors, taken meds, and experienced frightening panic attacks. For a long time I thought that love meant a nagging responsibility rather than affectionate grace and tender attention. Joy wasn't even close to possible.

But GOD had plans.

Rescue. Healing. Restoration

The Lord brought in a youth group that accepted me as I was, constantly showed me what love was, gave me a purpose, and encouraged me to delight in the gifts that I already had. I found rescue at the time when the abuse was the worse.

The Lord healed me through a community of believers at SHSU who passionately followed the Lord and who also encouraged me by reminding me who Christ says I am, instead of what my abuse told me I was. They also helped me with the healing by bearing with me through some of the continued times of abuse-offering up their homes, introducing me to their families, and blessing me with unconditional love and affection.

And eventually, after many years, God restored the relationship between my abuser and I. The Lord transformed them, poured out His grace on them, and continues today to rebuild our relationship through peace, forgiveness, and purpose. They found their identity once again in Him and so our relationship found ground to grow in once more, too.

I discovered very quickly after being rescued, healed, and restored that the suffering wasn't over.

Even after going through all of the healing, my panic attacks continued. So did the weight gain, forgetfulness, anxiety, extreme exhaustion, skipping heart beats, female issues, etc.
It all seemed wildly disconnected but in 2010, I was diagnosed with Hashimotos Disease.
Its an autoimmune disease which causes the thyroid to attack the body with various effects. Mainly it steals energy from the body by not properly controlling the hormones.

Lets just say like I felt like a tired, fat, crazy, broken person.
Things I heard from my doctor..."you're really a skinny person inside. Your body just doesn't know it." "You're f****ed." (he said it in a joking manner...but still terrible to hear from your doc). There were more too.

It was nice having an answer, but it being an incurable disease...not my first choice.

But GOD prepared me for this one by building up my endurance over the years, and He has a plan for this one too. In fact He's given me another "opportunity for great joy."

I'll be honest most days I don't see myself as He sees me, but I'm working on it. But what I have learned so far with this trial is that God has given me the opportunity to encourage those around me who also have sufferings.

So this blog was and is for you too. I hope you ask yourself "How is God using my suffering as an opportunity for great joy?"

I'd love to hear your answers.

-Jess

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