No joke-I am a sugar-holic.
The most I've ever gone without sweets was 60 days.
Today its been...... 16 hours since my last indulgence
It doesn't matter if I'm happy or sad, having an exercise high, or even in love La La land....I still want ice cream, brownies, chocolates, etc. I think about them everyday. I'm REALLY good at baking too. I make an insane chocolate torte, delectable sopapilla cheesecake, scrumptious cookies. "You should open a bakery"...is something I've heard more than a few times. And honestly when everything else has gone awry in my world, sweets have always satisfied. Always. Let me be clear with you about how bad my addiction is. Even when God has not given me what I wanted, even when His love was not enough to satisfy me, even when His will was hardest...Sweets were consistently good.
Let me go even deeper with you.
I committed a year to the Lord to transform my body, my habits, and overall health. Here are a few of my successes.
-Eliminated all soda
-Daily drank 75 to 100 oz water
-Limited calories to less than 1,800
-Exercised 3 to 7 times per week
-Learned how to cook lean, gluten free, and vegan
-Lost 40 pounds
-Improved breathing and longevity
BUT the sweets have stopped my growing success. I just can't kick them to the curb. They have never failed me... until now. You see, I've got my eye on this fitness goal to be in the best shape of my life. I want to be able to say that I have done whatever it took for my body to feel and look great. I want to be an example to my family, friends, and future children. I want to show other people with thyroid disorders that they CAN look and feel amazing. That they can overcome.
But my body has stopped moving forward. Even with all these wonderful new healthy habits and skills.... my success is at a stand-still. Addictions wreck your goals.The sweets are in the way. They have to go.
For me this is not a purely physical thing. It is very largely a mental and spiritual war.
You see I'm not just a sugar addict, I'm an idolater. Dessert has occupied a place in my mind that only God should be. I have thought about finishing my day with the sweet and perfectly delicious Ben and Jerry's when Jesus wants to be my complete and holy satisfaction. I've longed for tastes of warm brownies and cookies and slowly deadened my desires for the comforts of His word and the warmth of His presence. I will never stop needing more of Jesus, but my mind tells me that He doesn't satisfy the same way. That He isn't safe. That He isn't consistent. And sometimes it even says that He isn't enough. And truthfully, sometimes...I believe it.
So you see- I NEED your help. I need all the help I can get. Because I have broken the commandment that says that Thou Shall have NO other gods before me. I crave and long for something made by man more than the One who made me. Its time to give sweets up for good.
I think gluttony is just a bad a sin as stealing. I am no better than thief next to Jesus on the cross.
The good news is this though.... I'll never have an "after" photo. Let me explain.
God isn't finished with me! He isn't finished with you! He isn't finished with His Bride!
If this blog were finished in that last paragraph, it would be pretty depressing. But the good news is that He doesn't just tell us to get our crap together and then stand in the corner waiting for us to do it.
Here on Earth, we will always be in process. And its a good, good thing.
In Romans 7 we see Paul struggling with the same thing. He says...
Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!
I am not naive. I know that even with all your help, the best accountability, and even if you took away my credit card....I will still mess up. Sin is at work. And sin wrecks our progress. There is great hope though because Jesus is My Deliverer!!!
He looks at me like this...
You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.
Song of Solomon 4:7
I'm not going to use his grace as an excuse though. We can never shove His goodness back in His face and say that it gives us the right to stay in bed with our sin. We miss the point of His death altogether if we do this. I want to challenge and encourage you. Do not ignore your sins. Do not downplay the power they have over you. Do not underestimate your enemy. I'm not saying tell the whole world (like I just did), but tell someone who can hold you accountable and point you back to right living with grace. Join Al Anon or weight watchers or a support group. I've even known addicts to give someone keys to their house so they can do inspections.
Several years ago, a friend sat me down after I had sinned pretty bad. Through tears she explained that she used to be enslaved by the sin that I was just playing with. That hit me hard. Sin is not a game and it shouldn't be played with.
So remember the next time you mess up - our sin problem is a serious one, but God isn't finished with us! Get back up, Get some help, and remember that you are still His prize!
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