Making Rest

I'm really terrible when it comes to making time for rest. I currently have a job where I work an 11-day shift every 3 weeks. My employer justifies this by giving us 2 half days and an off day mixed into 14 days total. The hours still equal to 40 each week...technically...not including drive time. I also have plenty of meetings that I have to attend as well so my off times get moved. More than once I've worked an 11-hour day.  I've had one vacation in the last 3 years. You might say that this is normal for the American work force and you are probably right. We are always pushing ourselves to the max when it comes to work. Its the American dream right?! Having a full-time job is a blessing...isn't it?!
So, when I don't rest well, it turns into a nightmare and a curse.

To be honest, when I first got my job, I told my boss that I didn't want to work Sunday's because of my beliefs. She said that having Sundays off was impossible. So, I decided to keep my job and trusted that God knew what He had gotten me into. This left me exhausted. I might still get 7+ hours of sleep a night, but after 2 years of this schedule that long-term exhaustion is now saturated into my very being.

Does anyone look out the window at work at the trees and clouds and immediately think "What am I still doing in here?!". I feel like the part of me that longs for fresh air and nature is slowly dying. Just the simple feeling of sunlight on my face or the sound that leaves make when the wind rushes. My soul just longs for that. My tank feels empty without it.

The sun. The Wind. The exhaustion. The longing. They are whispers of Heaven. One day that refreshment will be permanent.

I LOVE vacations. I love experiencing new soil, colors in new contexts, foreign scents. My favorite part of what makes vacations so valuable is probably the absence of obligations. The freedom to explore and wander with no deadline. No pressure to create, organize, or communicate....just to BE. How beautifully refreshing and simple that is. Like re-experiencing childhood.

Over the last year, I've gotten relatively little rest. Sadly, you can tell because of my health and my attitude. I'm still learning that I've got to protect my rest. I have this tendency to say yes to my loved ones and to my bosses frequently. Cutting people off was never my strong suit. I justified it in the belief that Jesus gave everything he had. His money, his strength, his attention, etc. So now when I'm tempted to say yes or to feel guilty for saying no, I have to remind myself that I am not Jesus. Following Him is very different from trying to be Him.

Boundaries are necessary. Verbally, I can't commit to everything. Emotionally, I can't let guilt decide what I do and don't spend time on. Physically, I can't be everywhere and DO everything. But I CAN support in different ways from a distance or support at a different time. I CAN teach others to respect my abilities and resources. I CAN humble my view of myself to align with a human's capabilities.

In Matthew 11: 28 Jesus says this " Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest." You probably know this one. But I have to remind myself that He didn't ask me to come to Him and bring all my stuff with me. He didn't say if I DID something that He would give me rest. He just said to come. Get away from everything and everyone else for a while and just BE with the Creator of fresh air and sleep.

Just a thought.

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Woman Hero Dream Team

Heroes do extraordinary things. What I did was not an extraordinary thing. It was normal.
-Irena Sendler-

I wish I could not spend one more second of my existence thinking about what I look like or comparing what I have to others or worrying about trivial things. I never want to think about my weight or marriage or money ever again. I wish... But I live in 2015 America and whether I like it or not these pressures will continue to try and push their way into my focus. So, I've been asking God to renew my mind and transform the way that I view life altogether. And He has. Lately He's got me thinking about the qualities of women who have made their lives count. I've thought about a few women in my life whom I admire and respect. I've talked with some of my closest female besties about what it means to take our minds off of ourselves and what it would take to wholeheartedly commit to being difference makers. What I've discovered is that there are some defining qualities that my woman heroes have and that I want to develop. I already see glimpses of these qualities in the women I love in my life already, but I want these hero qualities to utterly define my life and outshine everything else. I want to focus on them and develop them and become an expert in them. The woman heroes of history that I respect the most had qualities that led them to radically change lives and change history. Their legacies continue to challenge our lives today because they not only endured through life's hardships, they conquered them.

My Woman Hero Dream Team is defined by certain glorious traits:

Self-sacrifice = giving up their money, time, health, marriage, things all for the sake of others
Pro-innocence = fiercely guarding life in all forms: innocent slaves, children, poor and needy
God-focus = keeping their focus on the creator and protector of all, giving them a greater reason to fight and not relying on their human abilities to accomplish it all
No respecter of persons = refusing to discriminate when it came to rescuing the enslaved, bringing resources to all those in need, and not valuing one life over another

As you read about these women for the first time, (or are refreshed by their stories again) keep in mind these life defining qualities and focus on how you can develop them in your life.

Name: Araminta Ross
Alias: Harriet Tubman "Moses"
"There was one of two things I had a right to-liberty or death; if I could not have one, I would have the other." Born a slave, Harriet traveled 90 miles by foot to her freedom. Estimates say it took her between 5 days and 3 weeks to do it. When she finally crossed the line into Pennsylvania she said "I looked at my hand to see if I was the same person. There was such a glory over everything; the sun came like gold through the trees, and over the fields, and I felt like I was in heaven."

Why Harriet is my hero - After she crossed into freedom she thought about her family "I was a stranger in a strange land...I was free and dey should be free also. I would make a home for dem in the North, and de Lord helping me, I would bring dem all here" So, Harriett went back  Even after Harriet returned to rescue her husband, he rejected her-choosing to stay enslaved and married to another woman. He would later die there. Harriet went on to lead  approximately19 more trips on the Underground Railroad and led 300 slaves to freedom. Despite brain injury, persecution, threats to her life, and extreme danger, she remained completely focused on freedom.

Name: Irena Krzyżanowska
Alias: Irena Sendler "Jolanta"
Irena was a young Polish Christian during the Holocaust who helped smuggle thousands of vulnerable Jewish children out of the ghetto. Working with her close friend, Ewa and the Zegota Resistance, she created a directory of names of children that she rescued along with fake names to hide their identities from the Nazis. She kept their real identities and locations in jars that she buried under a tree. Rescuing the children was also difficult because many parents were scared that their Jewish children would be later raised as Christian converts. Irena promised to maintain their Jewish heritage.

Why Irena is my hero - She refused to give up the identities of the children or any info about the rescues while she was brutally tortured. The Gestapo broke her feet and legs and decided to execute her. At the last moment, she was released because of a bribe of one of the Nazis keeping her imprisoned. Because most of the parents were executed in the Treblina death camp, Irena made sure that the orphans were relocated to Israel where they could be raised with their true Jewish heritage. Irena honored her own Savior, Jesus, by leading 2,500 Jews to safety. The beautiful thing is that she saw herself as doing something just ordinary, normal....Irena was just doing what Jesus had done for her.

Name: Anjezë Gonxhe Bojaxhiu
Alias: Mother Teresa "Saint of the Gutters"
At the age of 18, Agnes decided to dedicate her life as a nun to God. In 1946, she felt a second calling to work with the poorest of the poor. Once in Calcutta, she began her work to care for the dying and the destitute. She formed the Missionaries of Charity- an army dedicated to loving India's poorest. She built clinics, schools, and homes for the dying.

Why Teresa is my hero - She saw every person she cared for as the sick, abandoned, and dying Christ. She constantly put off attempts to honor her name and efforts by pointing success and glory back to God. She worked with those of different faiths, political backgrounds, and economic status all for the sake of peace. She lived in constant humility. When others complained by saying "You are spoiling the poor by giving everything to them." she responded, "Nobody has spoiled us more than God himself." Mother Teresa reminded the world that there was no obstacle powerful enough to overcome Christ's love for human life.

Jesus says "follow me because this is the way I will lead you to a life that goes way beyond anything you could have ever imagined." John 6:66-69

These women took Jesus' words and promises as life or death. They lived because He lived in them. For them, human life was incredibly precious.Risking their lives, and disregarding their comforts, was a necessary sacrifice. Their legacies are powerful reminders that we have the power to radically love others because Jesus first radically loved us.






http://www.historynet.com/mother-teresa
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irena_Sendler
http://www.irenasendler.org/facts-about-irena/
https://keirsey.files.wordpress.com/2013/11/irena-quote-ordinary2.jpg
http://swarajyamag.com/politics/recall-bhopal-tragedy-to-know-real-teresa/
http://blog.africaimports.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/harriet-tubman_s640x780.jpg
Bradford, Sarah H. Harriet, the Moses of Her People. Chapel Hill: U of North Carolina, 2012. Print.
Bradford, Sarah H. Scenes in the Life of Harriet Tubman. Auburn [N.Y.: W.J. Moses, Printer, 1869. Print.
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/aia/part4/4p1535.html
Chawla, Navin. Mother Teresa. Rockport, Mass.: Element, 1996. Print.

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The Bible Shocks Me More than Game of Thrones

You might already be shocked and appalled that I would ever dare find any enjoyment from a show that regularly displays nudity, violence, abuse, magic, etc. And I can see where you are coming from...I really can. Sin hurts God's heart, so reasonably we shouldn't be entertained by it. I get it. I don't want you to think for a second that I'm trying to act as your conscience and trying to convince you to watch it. I am not the Holy Spirit...and I dare not take His place in your life.

My biggest "problem" with things like GOT though is that even as fiction, they sometimes expose the harshness and reality of sin and death. And they do it well. Fascinatingly well.

Iron Throne by Rob Obsidian | CC by 2.0

Now if you are the unique individual who has never been personally affected by evil then praise God! I can see why GOT would shock you. But I was born in 2015 and I've been set in a world very far away from Eden. So, If you think that the first time I saw naked bodies, or became acquainted with rape, or experienced violence, or learned about magic was on GOT...then you would be wrong. Life exposed me to all of that:

Rape...that was a friend who told me how a guy forced himself on her on the side of the road. 

Violence...the many killing sprees that have taken place in our schools, malls, and churches.

Murder...A girl from my HS that left her baby in her band bag and in the closet to die.

Porn...My highschool Chemistry teacher that would sneak it during class.

I could go ON AND ON because We are already SATURATED with sin and darkness in real life everyday. My parents did a wonderful job of protecting me from it all. Heck, I wasn't even allowed to watch Jurassic Park til High School and The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe was definitely out of the picture because it had a witch in it! Because of their guardianship, but also because of the effects of sin on every day life, I now have a very good understanding of the difference between good and evil. 

Honestly I was introduced to genocide, incest, and rape through the Bible. And if you say it wasn't graphic, you are lying to yourself. The Bible includes examples of horrifying death by burning sulfur, drowning, consensual murder, torture, bear attack, tent pole....etc. This wasn't standard gun shot wound death, these were gruesome and the ones I referred to above were just a few of the ones that are viewed as righteous deaths! As I read about these in my Bible, it changed my idea of what a good Christian could read and even witness. 

I was also raised around books and libraries. I grew up watching the Faerie Tale Theater series and If you've ever read the real fairy tales then you know that they are just as weird and unusual as the stuff in the Bible. I appreciate the stories I've read and encountered. Many times, these stories and books gave me a welcomed distraction from the hardship and abuse I experienced when I was a kid. This is what they are for. I don't use GOT or any other book or movie as my guide through life or my moral compass. They are fun or informative or challenging and a million other things, but they don't replace my Bible, the Holy Spirit, or my common sense.

Game of Thrones is a story. A well-crafted story. Its nothing new under the sun. I honestly don't understand why people are shocked by it. The Bible is way more shocking. If anything has desensitized me to the weight of sin and death its been the news. When you hear about it all 24/7, it becomes easy to ignore. When surrounded by water, swimming seems normal.... our entertainment reflects the world we live in. When you see sin fictionalized in a TV series, within the context of a story, your morality has a tendency to click back on because you are seeing a bigger part of the story. We want to hear about people's lives and what preceded their choices. I didn't hear the stories behind why Boko Haram kidnapped, raped, and sold the Nigerian schoolgirls...but books and movies can remind us that those girls are real, they have stories, that they have value. They remind us that moral lines are still solid no matter what time or setting they are in or how much we know about them. They remind us that we SHOULD care again. And they also give us a glimpse into the minds of those who do evil. TV shows require you to ask why that character is choosing that sin or hurting that person. The motives of greed, lust, hatred, etc for sin are the same in both the Bible and Game of Thrones. Notice that when evil is happening in GOT that they don't play light dance music...the lighting, music, and setting paint the viewer a picture that evil is happening. They don't lazily trick you into lying to your conscience. Spoiler alter - No one cheered when Ned died or Sansa was raped. Viewers mourn good characters' deaths and celebrate when they triumph. The show (mostly) paints evil for evil and good for good.

Lastly, this world still wants to see the supernatural. We want to see the unexpected and the unexplained. Fire from heaven. Donkeys talk. Angel wrestling. Movies and books obviously can't replace real miracles, but they can remind us that they are possible and we should be looking for them in our lives! In GOT we see dragons fly and whitewalkers come alive, and we are reminded that not everything on Earth is as it seems. Demons and Angels exist and that Heaven and Hell have a tendency to invade Earth. As a believer I see us coming closer to the end as the consequences of our sin invade our culture. GOT isn't the cause. Sin is. If GOT has opened your eyes to whats already going on, then I'm glad you're awake. As for me, I'm not all that shocked by GOT or any other show or book. I'm more way more shocked by what's happening in my Bible and in real life.

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When Demons Rush In

We are at war. In fact, we've been at war for thousands of years. This isn't some sudden realization or an exaggeration of our situation. Light has been battling darkness since the beginning and the trophy is your soul.

This past year just about broke me. I've never cried harder, sinned more blatantly, and examined my heart more than what I did this year. So far in 2015, I've moved in with my dad, broke up with a guy, changed churches, been to court twice, had the paramedics at my apt twice, seen my dad through 7 hospital visits, and gained 30 pounds. And its only October. It has been the hardest year of my life. But I refuse to be a casualty.

Every man and woman who chooses to trust and obey God will find his faith attacked and his life invaded by the power of evil. There is no more escape for us than there was for the Son of Man. -Elisabeth Elliot-

Most of the hell that I've been though this year has centered around taking care of my dad. He's been disabled for over 10 years from extreme gout and arthritis. He has no feeling in his hands or feet. His knees are each the size of softballs and he can barely bend them. He has about 20 large calcium nodules on his joints which restrict his mobility and cause great pain. He's been through multiple surgeries. Ultimately he has the body of a 80 year old but he's 62. His greater struggle though has been with alcohol and pain medications. He has been in constant pain for over a decade, but he's lost the strength to endure it and has dived into the numb world of addiction. He's been in rehab 3 times in the past 3 years. The first time was because he was double dipping into pain meds from 2 different doctors. Right now he probably has 12 different prescriptions for various ills. So, I've gotten used to discovering beer cans in bushes and under laundry and hidden behind doors. The first rehab visit was traumatic for me but hospital visits have now become part of normal life.

About 3 weeks ago the worst relapse happened. It started with a prescription from the doctor for alcohol. This was pretty shocking to me since - to my knowledge, my dad had been sober for a couple months at this point. I expressed my anger at his doctor's advice to incorporate 2 beers a day into his prescription schedule because 1. I thought he was sober and 2. What kind of doctor gives a prescription for alcholol to an alcoholic with no self-control?! But my dad went along with it...for about a day. Within 48 hours, my dad had become a different being altogether. Yelling every other minute, constant anger, being profane and aggressive. And to my total unsurprise, drinking and dosing himself into complete loss of control. I've seen this before...but not this bad. But I had to work. So I went to bed and then woke up to him yelling at me. I ignored him and went about my day. The next night I did the same until I woke up again the next morning to find him on the floor, hunched over, naked, covered in bodily fluids, blood and beer. He had fallen 9 hours before and couldn't get up.That weekend the paramedics came over twice, he went to three hospitals, and he tried to slice his wrist in front of my sister and I. This earned him a week stay in Ben Taub hospital under 24 hour surveillance. 

I tell you all of this not to be dramatic or for pity. Hold the pity to yourself. I tell you this so that you can see that this is not my dad. I grew up with a man who worked hard, was gentle and playful, and had a relationship with God. He was a man who taught me grace. He was never perfect and was pretty rough around the edges but he understood God's grace and showed it to me. The week previous to the incident 3 weeks ago he had gone to 3 AA meetings, a Texans game, studied the Bible for several hours daily and gone to church. The devil felt his grip on my dad's life threatened, so he tightened his claws.

When the unclean spirit has gone out of a person, it passes through waterless places seeking rest, but finds none. Then it says, ‘I will return to my house from which I came.’ And when it comes, it finds the house empty, swept, and put in order. Then it goes and brings with it seven other spirits more evil than itself, and they enter and dwell there, and the last state of that person is worse than the first. So also will it be with this evil generation. Matthew 12:43-45 

It's a lethal error to believe that the devil can't make your life a living hell. In fact that is his entire business. John 10:10 says that he comes to "steal and kill and destroy." Its also dangerous to believe that as a Christian you are automatically protected. "Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm." Ephesians 6:11-13. The Lord gives us specific ways to equip ourselves for battle (The Armor of God) and specific reasons why (Spiritual forces of Evil). A.W. Tozer said, "I'm not afraid of the devil. The devil can handle me-he's got judo I've never heard of, But he can't handle the One to whom I'm joined; he can't handle the One to whom I'm united; he can't handle the One whose nature dwells in my nature." For a long time, my dad has cut himself off from Christian community and other believers. He let the devil single him out from the pack. He's also chosen to end relationships with friends and family members. He's let the devil drive a stake of unforgiveness in between him and sources of love, spiritual enrichment and support. So when all of the pain took over his life, alcohol and meds became his best friends. The devil took some temporary pain, a handful of unforgiveness, and a series of disappointments then built a prison.

My dad used to be a fighter. In 2007, my dad woke up to hear the external speakers on the tv switch on. As he entered the living room he saw a demon struggling to turn them off. The demon stood up, got in my dad's face and looked him in the eye. My dad began to plead the blood of Jesus over himself, speak scripture, proclaim the armor of God, and command the devil to flee. He says that he knew the demon was there for his life. After about an hour of speaking scripture and proclaiming Jesus' name the demon left. But over time, he's been weakened by the demons of addiction and depression and more have begun to assault him. They've convinced him to take off his armor. "Bondage Breaker" by Neil T. Anderson says this - "There is NO time when it is safe for you to take off the armor of God."

The day is coming, later, when the lion shall lie down with the lamb and we'll beat swords into plowshares. For now, it's bloody battle. - John Eldredge-

This has changed the entire way I look at my life. I won't have it easy. There are no simple wars. Anderson again says, "It is not the few raving demoniacs which are causing the church to be ineffective, but Satan's subtle deception and intrusion into the lives of 'normal' believers....Satan is a deceiver, and he will work undercover at all costs." This scares me because in the past year, I have struggled with heavier sins. He's upped his game. I have seen the effects of evil on my life. I can see demon's shadows.

But I recognize the devil can't handle the One to whom my soul is joined! I'm on alert as it says to be in 1 Peter 5:8. "Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil." I'm receiving counselling and in an amazing Bible study, and avoiding temptations but ultimately my freedom from evil is my responsibility. My position in Christ means that I have the authority to (and I must) "resist the devil, renounce participation in his schemes, confess sin, and forgive those who have offended me" (Anderson). I encourage you, that if you see the devil's influence on friends, family, or yourself - don't ignore it. Don't let demon's rush in. Proclaim your freedom in Christ.

You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. John 8:32 

Sources:
Anderson, Neil T. The Bondage Breaker. Eugene, Or.: Harvest House, 1990. Print.

Elliot, Elisabeth. On Asking God Why. Old Tappan, N.J.: F.H. Revell, 1989. Print.
Tozer, A. W. Gems from Tozer: Selections from the Writings of A.W. Tozer. U.S. ed. Harrisburg, Pa.: Christian Publications, 1979. Print.
Holy Bible: New Living Translation. Wheaton, Ill.: Tyndale House, 1996. Print.
Eldredge, John. Waking the Dead: The Glory of a Heart Fully Alive. Nashville, Tenn.: Thomas Nelson, 2003. Print.

                                                               
                                                                                                  

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Unlikely Christian - An Iranian Girl

There's a Yiddish Proverb that says "Man plans, God laughs"

In college when I told God that I didn't want to leave the United States, He must have chuckled because I ended up in the Middle East twice before I turned 22. And if I thought God's plans had expiration dates, he reminded me once again that He always follows through. After college I ended up teaching English at an International school where my students came from 50+ different countries. This was ironic because once I got this job, my mom reminded me that when I was a little girl, I was prophesied over that I would become "a voice among the nations." Yet I had told God that I would never leave America...HA! So all of this to say - God wanted to make sure that I loved His people and that I understood what my place in His plans was. 

So now whenever I see a woman covered (even eyes and fingernails) at a Walmart in Houston I don't stare, I try to make small talk in Arabic with her kids. When I find a group of Brazilians playing volleyball, I join in (if I have workout clothes of course). I LOVE different cultures, food, music, languages, mannerisms, customs, etc. Its all so fascinating and fun!

Sometimes its also a challenge. I've also felt the tension of having a Palestinian and Israeli in the same classroom. I've had the responsibility of telling a Venezuelan girl to stop exposing her body to the guys in school. I've panicked and pushed a Haitian earthquake victim out of class because his view of art was exposing us all to nude, spread eagle portraits of women. 

The most uncomfortable, and confusing, situation though has always been when a sweet, Muslim friend of mine tells me very solemnly that they must kill anyone that converts to Christianity. Let me give you a picture... 

My friend Noor (name changed) and I have been spending a weekend shopping in Galveston and now we've decided to have lunch at the Cheesecake factory. We talk about boys, tv, school, etc. And of course the topic turns to our religious differences. I, being Christ-focused, want to turn the conversation to His goodness, so I tell Noor about my friend Abdullah who was previously a Muslim but gave his life to Christ a few years ago. I tell her the whole story and how his life has changed for good, but Noor of course is quiet. And then she very seriously informs me what Islam has to say about converts. That she must kill him. I know she would never have the courage to do it, but I've never seen her be so serious.

Trust me - I still love them and have wonderful friendships with many of them, but If you think some Muslims are bluffing, google ISIS Yazidi executions.
Its 2015 and Christian persecution is happening right now. 

All of this was to tell you about my friend Maryam. Her unabashed joy and boldness are SO encouraging to me and many others. She is a convert. Not the first I've met and not the last but she is brave. She knows the risks she is taking. She could be disowned by her family or killed. But Jesus has changed everything for her. I am so proud to call her my friend.

She describes her story.

My life was transformed into a loving and caring life. The first encounter that I had was to hear that my brother became Christian. That was so strange that I had not any reaction since I was Muslim and conversion was a big deal. Through my roommate I was invited to a bible study group. I felt so strange while they were interpreting the proverbs. My heart wasn’t at the same direction of my mind. I was so attracted to the conversations. 

Next Sunday, I asked my roommate to take me to the church. I have never felt like that before. I can barely say it, but it was like the first time that I praised the lord from the bottom of my heart even though I still wasn't a believer. I was surrounded by Jesus lovers and they taught me so many things that were priceless. Unintentionally I was attracted to the Bible, I had some feeling that I couldn’t explain to myself, or I was not courageous enough to confess the light that was in my way. Grace and love without any expectation from the lord was a big deal for me. This whole fact was so unimaginable and wonderful to be true!

 In the past, I was so restricted that I couldn’t believe in the love of lord in my life. Day by day as I was seeking him, he was responding to me! So miraculous! I moved to Houston and after a week I felt like I need to go to church. I found Houston's First Baptist and I was thrilled to be there. In the third week I was sure that I wanted to be with my lord and I wanted to call myself a “believer”, and tell everyone about the love and grace of Jesus who is the way of salvation. He cares about all of us and loves us more than ourselves.

When I was Muslim I had to keep Allah happy, and this compulsion didn't seem to be right. Now I’m free and forgiven and I want to be good, because my God is good!  This is the beauty of love!It's like “You don’t have to but you so badly want to!”

I strongly encourage my brothers and sisters to talk about the love of God that surrounds everyone. Once they feel this truth in their heart, the rest will be the Lord’s grace to them and they will find the way to join the truth.I hope one day I see my whole family find out about the truth and get blessed with the love of Lord. I am pretty sure that the day is so close. I pray a lot about my country. There are so many believers that are in trouble, and still courageously trying to spread the Gospel. I ask everyone to pray for my country, Iran.

Jesus Lover,

Maryam

(Maryam also included a fun link to change your view of Iran. Enjoy)

Image source: ravenectar.com

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4 Things Christians "Shouldn't" BELIEVE

The Christian life can sometimes feel like a game with too many rules. We train every service, every Bible study, and in every other meeting to spot what a good Christian looks like and how to avoid looking like a pagan! Of course none of our gatherings and studies are meant to guilt us into loving Jesus. But in reality there actually are a lot of dos and don'ts in the Bible. And they can be a little overwhelming sometimes...But the real weight comes from our own false obligations and expectations of each other and ourselves. We have to admit that grace stands in the way of our condemnation and that sometimes making an exception to the rules is not only ok but good in the right time and place. I hope you see this series as a chance to rethink our misconceptions, enjoy the beauty of sarcasm, and to learn to live through the eyes of Grace.

-"The One"
As Christians in a society of declining morals, its very easy to get caught up in the way our culture approaches romance. I find it odd that soooo many of us remain single. And these aren't weirdos or those with mental problems etc. ... There are so many Wonderful, educated, Jesus-loving, emotionally-balanced, healthy, funny, responsible singles that are still not married...even though they want to be. My personal opinion is that we have too many options and are more selfish than ever when choosing a mate. We are looking for perfection when it doesn't exist along with having convinced ourselves of romantic beliefs that are simply not true...such as believing in "the one." There is only one person who will complete you. Jesus. As for finding a spouse...settle down- choose one that you can love and grow together with- who has the same passion for God and common goals and values. I'm not saying settle...especially not with someone who doesn't love God. I'm saying select one. As Relevant wrote "marriage is much more formed than it is found. You don’t find a good marriage so much as you make one. Happiness doesn’t come from a spouse fitting your every selfish expectation; it comes from you and your spouse working and adjusting to serve each other while rooted in Christ’s love."

- A Date of Jesus' Return

Eclipses, Mayans, and Zombies- Oh My! This is all just getting ridiculous. Just stop trying to predict when Jesus will return. You are wasting your time. We should be living every day like He is coming!
Matthew 24:36 says "No one knows the day or the hour, not even the Son, but only the Father." And also 1 Thessalonians 5:4-5 "But you, brothers and sisters, are not in darkness so that this day should surprise you like a thief. 5 You are all children of the light and children of the day. We do not belong to the night or to the darkness." Trying to predict His return is prideful...you are supposing that God the Father would let YOU into His plans when He hasn't revealed the date even to Jesus?! Rubbish!Thessalonians 5 continues like this... "since we belong to the day, let us be sober, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet. For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to receive salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ. " If you are living a God-surrendered life, you've got nothing to worry about!


- In 'Merica!
We have been warned over and over what happens to people when they turn their back on God. Soddom and Gomorrah are easy examples...what about modern day Europe? Churches deserted and turned into bars. Islam growing rapidly. Economic downturn. I'm not saying God obliterates nations when only some of them turn away. Think about Noah- God at the very least, and very mournfully, gives believers a warning about His eminent plans of destruction. What I'm really pointing to is the fact that God's character can not support the nature of sin. If people choose sin and reject God, He also denies them His promises and inheritance. It scares me that America has begun to largely turn its back on God. Stop serving the false God of the American Dream. Its fickle! Rethink why you think America is elite. Is it because we are home of the free and the land of the brave? Does a temporary land have a place in Eternity? No. We need to surrender our dreams and ideals to the Lord. We need to humble ourselves and pray for each other. We need to GO into ALL nations and make disciples! 2 Chronicles 7:14 "If my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land."

-Feminism
Ah...a tricky one that some women in the church are scared to speak up about! I personally believe there are 2 kinds of feminists. The first kind is the one that we see in the media a lot...usually shouting about abortion rights or equal pay. They are the ones that tend to define feminism. Although their desire for women to have the same rights as men is noble...their efforts are blatantly trampling over the other women who disagree with them. The 2nd kind is more quiet. I believe these are the ones with a real understanding of how God also made women in His image. They are the ones that believe that ALL are equal and that rights are secondary to value. They believe that the unborn is equal with the mother. And that men and women don't necessarily want the same rights...because they are not of the same design. Their goal is that all be seen with the same value that God placed on us. Galatians 3:28-29 " There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, NOR IS THERE MALE and FEMALE, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise." We are ALL Heirs! We all get the same inheritance!

Sources:
image "African Roots" Mark Rain | CC by 2.0
http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/relationships/there-no-such-thing-%E2%80%98-one%E2%80%99
https://theartinlife.wordpress.com/2013/07/22/my-husband-is-not-my-soul-mate/
http://www.churchleaders.com/pastors/pastor-articles/139575-7-startling-facts-an-up-close-look-at-church-attendance-in-america.html

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Online Dating: An Inside Look from a Christian Girl's Perspective

I remember reading "Passion and Purity" by Elisabeth Elliott for the first time and highlighting all over the place. The book is about her love letters and romance with Jim Elliot, what she learned while they were dating and also what she learned after he was killed in Ecuador by a tribe he was trying to minister to. It really is an incredible story- highly recommend it. It continues to be such solid truth to me in these dark times. There were a couple of things that stuck out though. I remember her talking about when she was dating in college that she dated multiple men at the same time...and even would date the same men as her roommates or friends. I thought- Whoa?! Wasn't this scandalous for the 40s?! And then many years after her husband Jim died, she married again...then after he died....she married once more. This just wasn't what I thought the Christian dating code was! Ha ha! From that point on, I stopped believing in finding "the one" that all the movies told me I should look for. And I also knew that dating wasn't the devil. You don't have to take it so seriously and that you can learn a lot from it! God takes care of the ones He loves despite imperfect circumstances and imperfect people. One other pressing reason why I decided to try dating online is the rapidly declining morality and selfishness of my generation. This is sadly starting to affect how we date in the church...and unfortunately although I am educated, fit, responsible, beautiful and know who I am in Christ- no guy from church had ever asked me out! So, I decided to venture online to find a good man who loved God. Because you never know where you might find them!  

The following is my perspective from my journey 
in dating online.

Note: All guys' names have been changed along with all identifying details out of respect and privacy.

How it works

In case you don't know, there are MANY dating sites out there these days. E-harmony and Match.com being the most popular. For Christians you can go one of 2 routes...you can get start off with a database of Christian guys by using Christian Mingle or you could go the secular route like Okcupid and try to filter out non-Christians. I tried several different ones over 3ish years. But the average time I spent on them was 2 months. The max I ever did was 3 months. The reason for this was because databases only have so many options. If you are looking for a specific type of person, you will get to the end of those results in a certain amount of time. For serious Christians...you have even fewer options. For tall, female, serious Christian women you have VERY few options. Which I found was a good and bad thing. I discovered that I could filter for godly men very quickly ...because there were so few.

Some thoughts on the sites I tried out

Eharmony - My least favorite of them all. When I was on, you only got a few matches every few days...including ones that weren't to your preferences. Price was expensive. There was no open search...so it was slightly difficult for looking for a tall guy. This site did not result in any dates for me. In fact I only talked to one guy who ended up being VERY racist..so that ended quickly.

Match.com - This one was alright. It had an open search, I got plenty of interest from guys and had suitable matches. Price was reasonable. They also had a variety of ways to set you up with potential matches, which made it feel a little more natural. But because it was still secular- there were very few Christian men. I talked to a couple but sadly they were more nominal Christians and didn't take their faith seriously.

OkCupid - This was oddly the one that I had the most "success" with. Free- which was a big plus for me. This could also be a bad thing though. This site attracts thousands of potentials...but with no real investment. So it took a lot of weeding through to find those who were serious about a relationship. I actually was a member a few times of this site. Had several actual dates with some solid guys. One guy was a professional athlete, another director of a Bible study class, etc. One of the best things about this site was that it had a great selection of questions to view and answer. This was advantageous because you could see how serious people were about things that mattered to you and filter out deal breakers. But because it is also a secular site the serious Christians are very few. I learned SO much about our society's values and how to stand for Christ in the dating world from my interactions on this site. Although some encounters were uncomfortable, I don't regret trying this one out. It was actually a fantastic evangelism opportunity.

ChristianMingle - This was the last one I tried out. I had two great matches from this one (one which led to a short relationship). This site was cheaper than Match or Eharmony. It had an open search and (in theory) automatically filtered out non-Christians. Unfortunately though- there were even fewer matches...especially for a tall girl. I also found that the same reasons church members are having a hard time dating in church is the same trouble they have online...too many options and being even more selective than non-believers. (A good and bad thing) We are over-looking Pauls and Rebeccas and Davids because we don't see them through God's eyes.

I'll be using OkCupid to show you the experience of dating online

Preferences and Profile

When getting on any dating site you have to set up your profile. (Which I oddly view like a job interview...show your best self, but be realistic and clear about what you are looking for). 

For Christians this is especially important. Boldly proclaim Christ on your profile. Godly men are attracted to Godly women and vice versa. I learned that Jesus is the BEST filter for getting rid of people who don't have good intentions. Yes, you will end up with less matches...but the goal is not to have 100s....its to find 1 Godly husband or wife! Brush off the haters!

Here is my basic profile...which I learned to be proud of!

Its suggested that you add different types of pictures. Please add variety! If you have 5 selfies or all pictures with models or several where we can't see your face....we think you are likely insecure or interested in the wrong things. 

The Encounters - Good, Bad, and Awkward

With OKC you have different ways of viewing potentials. You get daily matches, you can search, and you have QuickMatch (which is like tinder where you swipe left to reject or swipe right to accept). The quickmatch only shows you their pictures and a few details about the person (If they have kids, job, a small overview). It also gives you a match percentage-which I actually found to be a very good indicator. The Quickmatch does not say if they are a Christian though. But what I discovered is that most of the time, If they had a 90% match with me then they were likely a Christian (but this was not denomination specific). Swiping right could be risky because you don't know for sure that they are a Christian at all. But its a chance you have to take. After you like them (swipe right) then you can see if they are a Christian, view full profile, and see their answers to questions. You can also do this for matches and searches.

The last time I tried OKC, I was on it for less than a week. I had 377 guys that liked me (swiped right). Of course the whole point is not just to find out if people like you but to actually date! So what I really paid attention to was actual messages I received. In that week I received 81 messages. Here is a sampling.

  

   

 

As you can see - Some of the messages were really nice, genuine, respectful....And some were weird, inappropriate, and lacking in creativity. This was one of the best learning opportunities for me. I had to decide when to respond and if/how to do it well. Personally I chose not to respond at all to those who were inappropriate or disconnected. I had several chances to respond to well-meaning men too...which is what was more difficult. With online dating you get to "investigate" before you start a conversation. So I got to see if their messages really were sincere or if they matched their true character by looking at their profile and questions. Out of safety and godly standards I chose to very rarely respond to those whose messages even seemed genuine but their profiles did not show consistent character. I learned very quickly that if you give these guys any attention that they will take it and that you will have to let them down later. This was difficult. Like I said before... Jesus was a good filter. I stuck with His standard.

Another thing you can see from the screenshots above is that women have to be careful. There were several men I saw or were messaged by that were not safe. God showed me that they had no interest in Him and to not even entertain them with a Hello. After having a very weird encounter with a "Christian" guy, I now ask them to be honest about if they have ever been arrested or in jail, if they have any prejudices, and if they have any addictions BEFORE giving them my phone number. They have a chance to be dishonest of course...but I at least ask and in the small case will Google them. If I go on a date with them, it is always in public and my friends will know when and where.

One of my personal choices was to always give men who were "seemingly" good guys an honorable response for rejecting them if I felt that they weren't the right match for me. (Usually denominational issues or height was an obstacle) The two screenshots above are guys who showed that they could communicate maturely. The ones below didn't take my response well. Sometimes it doesn't matter how respectful you try and be...some people will still choose to take it negatively.

 (Not sure what 1 samuel guy's point was?! Why send a verse that points out your own sin?)

There was an instance or two where guys actually asked how Christian was I...like they needed a measurement. 

Definitely a new (and unusual) experience for me! LOL

The Questions

I keep referring to guys' answers to the questions so I want you to see how that works. I leaned on their answers a lot to determine if I was going to give them a chance. The questions really showed guys' character. They had many topics: judgment, intelligence, physicality, sex preferences, morality, religious, psychological, fitness/dietary, political, past relationship, viewpoints, crime, pets, privacy, adoption, finances, and hypothetical/behavioral. You were able to choose how much their answer mattered to you and even explain your answer.

Here are a few examples

 There was one question that was the biggest deal breaker of them all. 

I take my commitment to Christ seriously. My heart, my future, my body...belong to Him. His Word is solid ground so I believe and obey. So this question was the one where I could see if guys actually had submitted to God's authority. Sex is a big deal...so to surrender it over to God means that Jesus is your Lord...not just your Savior and that you are choosing to not be a slave to the flesh.

Unfortunately in all my time on OKC I found less than 5 men who chose "Only after the wedding."

 My advice for Christian Women

-Know who you are in Christ before dating online - you will fall prey to sin if you aren't standing on solid ground. Do not let your insecurities or fears decide who you date.
-Have accountability while dating on and offline - you are not untouchable when it comes to sin.
-Don't let guys manipulate you to messaging them back. Even if its a wonderful compliment or a funny joke or an interesting question...KEEP GOD's STANDARD. If they don't have Godly character do not compromise.
-Don't be afraid to get out there. Let this be a learning experience and a challenge to your faith.
-Give good Godly guys a chance even if they don't fit the picture you have in your mind. And when it comes time to reject a guy- do it with honor, give a real reason why, and don't be hurt by their response. Your responsibility is to honor the Lord with your actions, thoughts and words...you aren't responsible for their reaction.

My advice for Christian Men

-Know who you are in Christ before dating online - again you will sin if you aren't fully rooted in Christ and His Word. Men who are unashamed of their faith are HOT. Men who are unsure... are not.

-Have accountability - don't go on there looking for a date...look for a wife. Honestly there are plenty of women who are looking for hookups. If you are just looking for a girl to like you, you will find one. Look for a Godly woman. Ask a couple guys to help keep your actions and intentions on track.

- Let this be a learning experience so you can work up courage and have a better understanding of how you are uniquely designed.

-Give good Godly girls a chance even if they don't fit the picture you have in your mind. I know many AMAZING women who love God and are looking for good men like you! We hope you'll be searching for us too! 

Conclusion

All in All, I was encouraged. No, I'm not married yet, but I'm so glad that God has opened up opportunities for me to have feedback on things. Even though I don't get asked out from guys in my church, this doesn't mean that Godly guys outside of my church aren't looking for someone exactly like me! Some men like to keep their Church life simple and they don't want to complicate that with dating. Thats ok. I learned how to reject men honorably and how to give them helpful feedback and how to challenge their faith so they move closer to Heaven. I learned how to be even stronger with my faith and identity in Christ and to not give Satan ground when it comes to my love life. I learned how I can fall and what lies I'm prone to believe...and God has made me more strong in fighting against them! God showed me once again that He accepts me. He finds me beautiful. He wants me. This has never changed! I have seen wonderful marriages result from online dating. I'm not closing the door on it. I'm not one to tell God what He can and cannot use for His glory. Of course, It's not for everyone. But if you feel like giving it a try- Pray about it and Go for it! No matter where you meet them I hope that you find an amazing husband or wife!

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4 Things Christians "Shouldn't" SAY

The Christian life can sometimes feel like a game with too many rules. We train every service, every Bible study, and in every other meeting to spot what a good Christian looks like and how to avoid looking like a pagan! Of course none of our gatherings and studies are meant to guilt us into loving Jesus. But in reality there actually are a lot of dos and don'ts in the Bible. And they can be a little overwhelming sometimes...But the real weight comes from our own false obligations and expectations of each other and ourselves. We have to admit that grace stands in the way of our condemnation and that sometimes making an exception to the rules is not only ok but good in the right time and place. I hope you see this series as a chance to rethink our misconceptions, enjoy the beauty of sarcasm, and to learn to live through the eyes of Grace.

-Clichés
Which of the following annoys you most ? "WWJD: What Would Jesus Do?", "Whenever you stop looking for a mate is when they will just show up!", or "When God closes a door, he opens a window." If I'm honest, I'd say that they are all pretty annoying or at the very least overused. At one time in my life I'm sure I've taken each of these to heart...heck maybe even given them an "Amen!". But its 2015... if it was said last week, then its already passé. I will shoot the next person that makes a joke about "the dress"...jk! But this is the day we live in. Once we hear a phrase, experience something, or encounter a new thing...it almost immediately loses its power. Its the unfortunate effect of living in the twitter generation. But sometimes going back to those old phrases still helps. Again if I'm honest, asking myself what Jesus would do...would actually really help me sin less and help me evaluate my motives. Some clichés are still true and can still be powerful! Just know the right time to use them, know your audience...and of course make sure they line up with God's word.

-The Truth
Political Correctness is the king of the land these days. I'll tell you right now. I'ts pretty stupid when people's feelings trump truth. Our culture repeatedly tells us that "real" Christians wouldn't judge. They would be the most passive. They would be the ones to give all of their freedoms away for the sake of Heaven. BULL! The Bible doesn't tell us to be cowards, or weaklings, or slaves of the world! I say that a true Christian SHOULD make the world somewhat uncomfortable! We have the responsibility to set Christ's standards and keep them, to speak the truth in season and out, to be good judges of character and to speak out against ungodly actions. This is a very unpopular belief and even harder thing to actually do...but to be real Christians - we must speak and live the truth, always.

-"You're Wrong"
This one goes hand in hand with the one above. But this one seems to come against us more than come from our own mouths. I feel we've stopped calling out sin these days for 2 reasons.... we'd rather build relationships with believers than judge them which is good....but we've also turned into cowards. We've taken this to an extreme. Somehow we've been pushed into the corner where all the fingers are pointed at us and they've taken away our ability to speak into each other's lives. I love the old saying that goes something like... "If you knew the world was ending, then wouldn't you want to tell everybody else?!" Because this is still true! As Christians we have a responsibility to point people to the cure...but its pretty difficult to tell someone they need it when they don't think they are sick. Sin deceives, divides, destroys. Take it seriously. We need to find the courage again to show the people around us that wrong belief, worshiping the wrong things, and selfish living really do lead to death. Sin leads to death- this is what we know to be true. Of course build a relationship with them first-but when the time is right- call out death and speak life!

-The word "Hate"
As you can see my sarcastic points on this post continue to progress but keep pointing to the same thing -  Speaking the harshest of truths in the darkest of times. This is the time we live in. It is time to speak life and to speak UP! We have become comfortable at not taking risks but blending into our culture. It seems to be this strange rule that in 2015, you really aren't allowed to hate anyone or anything. Heck even if you spoke out against ISIS or Hitler...someone would probably defend them and then point the finger back at you. But there are things that God hates and that they are the reason that Jesus had to die. He had to CONQUER death! He's not fine and dandy with us making a home with sin. A few things God hates and we should hate too: People who kill the innocent, those who plot evil or run to evil's front lines, those who cause discord in families. He says it pretty clearly in Proverbs 6:16-19. Know God's word! When we claim we love everything from pizza to our iphones, its important to know what God truly loves and what He truly hates.

Coming Soon - 4 Things Christians "Shouldn't" BELIEVE

More amazing verses about our words!

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.
Prov 18:21

Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips!
Psalm 141:3

The mouth of the righteous utters wisdom, and his tongue speaks justice.
Psalm 37:30

I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.
Matt 12:36-37

So put away all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander.
1 Peter 2:1

With patience a ruler may be persuaded, and a soft tongue will break a bone.
Prov 25:15 (All of Prov 25 is filled with good stuff btw!)

Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.
Colossians 4:6

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4 Things Christians "Shouldn't" FEEL

The Christian life can sometimes feel like a game with too many rules. We train every service, every Bible study, and in every other meeting to spot what a good Christian looks like and how to avoid looking like a pagan! Of course none of our gatherings and studies are meant to guilt us into loving Jesus. But in reality there actually are a lot of dos and don'ts in the Bible. And they can be a little overwhelming sometimes...But the real weight comes from our own false obligations and expectations of each other and ourselves. We have to admit that grace stands in the way of our condemnation and that sometimes making an exception to the rules is not only ok but good in the right time and place. I hope you see this series as a chance to rethink our misconceptions, enjoy the beauty of sarcasm, and to learn to live through the eyes of Grace.

If you are a "Good" Christian you definitely can't feel...

-Depressed
The one thing you have to feel all the time in order to be a good Christian is joy. Bull! Tell that to Job, David, Mary, Noah..... Think about Noah for a minute. He's already seen his townsman ignore God. Then he goes through years building an ark, the whole time knowing that everyone else on Earth is going to die by drowning. Then he has to watch it all happen. The death of every other living thing except for those on the Ark. You can bet that he wasn't filled with joy. David is famous for writing about his darkness. Mary watches her son be crucified...Now, try and tell me that she wasn't crushed. There are dark times in our lives. Sadness, grief, and depression are in the range of emotions that God made us to experience. Life can beat you down through harsh circumstance. Its not a sin to be depressed. Not even close. The important thing is that God doesn't want us to live in it. You can and will overcome. Victory is in God's nature. He's beat it all-death, disease, disappointment, and disaster. Defeating depression takes a fight but you can! Read more about how to win the battle here.

-Horny
Yea, I just went there! Let's all be honest now...You didn't drop out of the sky. Your mom and dad did a little dance together and it wasn't because they were the last people on Earth and it was their sole purpose to procreate. Ha! Take a small glance at Song of Songs "Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine...Draw me after you; let us run. The king has brought me into his chambers." Bow Chicka Wow Wow! LOL! The key to sexual desire and living the Christian life is context. Are you married? Yes-then go for it! No-then talk to God about it. Obviously as we mature we all have sex drives but honoring God with it is the secret. Don't let hormones drive you into a world of guilt. Feelings aren't sin if you surrender them to God.

-Rage
There is a time and place for everything. The Bible says that God is jealous. When we put other gods (other things, people, desires, goals, ideals) before Him, He gets upset. It was the first commandment. He gets angry over many things- hurting the innocent, enslaving His people, desecrating His house, etc. There are even times in the bible when God's anger is the cause of destruction or punishment for a whole group of people. The 1 Chapter of Nahum says that "He reserves wrath for His enemies." But God's anger always accomplishes His will. Take a look at Jehu in 2 Kings 9 &10. When you think about ISIS killing Christians & Boko Haram kidnapping schoolgirls remember that God is storing up wrath for them. Even in Matthew 10:34 it says don't be fooled, "Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword."

-Happy
Like the rest of these emotions, there is a time and a place. Lately, its been popular to believe that happiness is not the goal of Christianity...and I would agree. But people have also taken this to the extreme of saying that God never wants us to be happy. Well, thats just depressing huh?! We need to take a look at what God really wants for us. Psalm 40:8 says "I delight to do Your will, O my God" and Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart." Happiness is not natural. Throughout the Bible we see that happiness was a result of putting trust in God's will despite circumstance. That's what happiness is- a life surrendered to the Almighty!

NEXT WEEK: 4 Things Christians "Shouldn't" SAY

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