Making Rest

I'm really terrible when it comes to making time for rest. I currently have a job where I work an 11-day shift every 3 weeks. My employer justifies this by giving us 2 half days and an off day mixed into 14 days total. The hours still equal to 40 each week...technically...not including drive time. I also have plenty of meetings that I have to attend as well so my off times get moved. More than once I've worked an 11-hour day.  I've had one vacation in the last 3 years. You might say that this is normal for the American work force and you are probably right. We are always pushing ourselves to the max when it comes to work. Its the American dream right?! Having a full-time job is a blessing...isn't it?!
So, when I don't rest well, it turns into a nightmare and a curse.

To be honest, when I first got my job, I told my boss that I didn't want to work Sunday's because of my beliefs. She said that having Sundays off was impossible. So, I decided to keep my job and trusted that God knew what He had gotten me into. This left me exhausted. I might still get 7+ hours of sleep a night, but after 2 years of this schedule that long-term exhaustion is now saturated into my very being.

Does anyone look out the window at work at the trees and clouds and immediately think "What am I still doing in here?!". I feel like the part of me that longs for fresh air and nature is slowly dying. Just the simple feeling of sunlight on my face or the sound that leaves make when the wind rushes. My soul just longs for that. My tank feels empty without it.

The sun. The Wind. The exhaustion. The longing. They are whispers of Heaven. One day that refreshment will be permanent.

I LOVE vacations. I love experiencing new soil, colors in new contexts, foreign scents. My favorite part of what makes vacations so valuable is probably the absence of obligations. The freedom to explore and wander with no deadline. No pressure to create, organize, or communicate....just to BE. How beautifully refreshing and simple that is. Like re-experiencing childhood.

Over the last year, I've gotten relatively little rest. Sadly, you can tell because of my health and my attitude. I'm still learning that I've got to protect my rest. I have this tendency to say yes to my loved ones and to my bosses frequently. Cutting people off was never my strong suit. I justified it in the belief that Jesus gave everything he had. His money, his strength, his attention, etc. So now when I'm tempted to say yes or to feel guilty for saying no, I have to remind myself that I am not Jesus. Following Him is very different from trying to be Him.

Boundaries are necessary. Verbally, I can't commit to everything. Emotionally, I can't let guilt decide what I do and don't spend time on. Physically, I can't be everywhere and DO everything. But I CAN support in different ways from a distance or support at a different time. I CAN teach others to respect my abilities and resources. I CAN humble my view of myself to align with a human's capabilities.

In Matthew 11: 28 Jesus says this " Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest." You probably know this one. But I have to remind myself that He didn't ask me to come to Him and bring all my stuff with me. He didn't say if I DID something that He would give me rest. He just said to come. Get away from everything and everyone else for a while and just BE with the Creator of fresh air and sleep.

Just a thought.